Tuesday, November 30

I had a feeling today was going to be busier than Monday and I was not wrong. I don't have joy in my heart. I don't have pep in my step. I wonder if I will ever feel energetic. I wonder if my heart will ever be open to be filled with joy and love. I am very sad and down about my life. I use food to fill the void. I need to find the drive within me to change my habits but doing it solo is not working for me. I didn't go to the Y tonight. I made excuses to not go. I am stupid.

Stupidity = Doing the same thing but expecting a different result

Monday, November 29

It was back to work after the holiday and as people were coming in others they would ask how Thanksgiving was and people would say good and say the break was nice. I just wanted to tackle my endless e-mails and make sure I was prepared when the phone would start ringing. To me it feels like others are wasting the 1st hour of the day by chatting about the holiday. I hear the stories of their travels or of their cooking or of their shopping and just want to hit mute.

I had my TOPS meeting and it was a small 0.2 gain for the week.

Sunday, November 28

I don't dislike the holidays, I just don't enjoy them like I used to. Is it normal as you get older to feel like these special days are for younger families/kids? I went shopping on Black Friday but was not in the Christmas spirit. I don't decorate my house mostly because it's just me and why take the time to pull the boxes from storage and put things out for 3 or 4 weeks. I need an injection of merriment and love!

I didn't go to the Y last week. Up until then I was going twice a week and was noticing some consitant weight loss. Time to get back in the habit starting Tuesday.