Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sunday, January 31

Before I went out to see Scott's band, I ate a a cup fo broccoli cheese soup and a turkey, bacon, cheese croissant with french fries. I got ready and this time I put on my favorite sparkly shirt because it's roomy and doesn't cling. I put in my contacts and some make-up. I did try to put my hair up but that was a disaster. I arrived and found some of Scott's family already there so I talked and found a seat. I started out by getting 2 shots and another drink. I was going to loosen up early. I got some camera tips from a new friend and I was excited to learn more about my new camera. I was inbetween groups of friends and that was perfect for taking pictures. I started feeling stuck in my seat but in order to get some crowd shots, I had to move. His sister-in-law said I should go on stage and she would take pictures of me next to Scott. I felt that my size got in the way of standing close enough to him for a nice kiss on the check picture. A few more friends arrived and came over to talk with me! I got another shot but I never felt tipsy or buzzed the whole night. I did move around more up and around the stage. I danced and smiled and had fun. After the band finished, the house music came on and I felt like chair dancing which means moving and groving all while sitting. The friends noticed me and they thought I was buzzed and concerned about me driving home. I said I was find and just feeling the music. I then stood up behind the table and backed by the wall and was able to move more. I was noticed by more people but still in a comfort zone because I was behind the table. I felt great! I was in a great frame of mind.
I made plans with Scott for Sunday and we kissed goodbye. I got home around 3am and fed the cats so they wouldn't pester me in the morning and went to bed but could not fall asleep right away. I thought about getting up and going on FB but I changed my mind. I woke up around 10am and ate cereal and read a few sections of the paper. I will now get ready for our afternoon.

Thanks for reading

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Saturday, January 30

HELP. I didn't go to bed on Thursday night before 11. I was up past midnight and then when I tried to sleep I couldn't. It's like I couldn't turn the switch off in my brain. It's not that I was thinking of anyone or anything, it's all random snippets of stuff. HELP. On Friday, I got up with just enough time to get to work. I ate my oatmeal and the day began. I was so focused on entering orders left over from yesterday that the morning flew by. I didn't even leave my department to go to the bathroom. I grabbed a lunchable from the vending machine and then ate an orange and NutriGrain bar for lunch. I then focused on organizing some of my work while I was on switchboard duty. When I returned to my desk, I was hit with more than a dozen faxes from 2 days ago and more in my e-mail. HELP...NO. Guess what? I didn't ask for help, I focused on the task and when I left work I had processed every order.
Later in the evening I was going out with Scott to see some bands play. I got home and soon was out to eat a gyro and french fries. HELP. I arrived back home to get ready. I didn't put alot of effort into changing my attire from what I wore to work, I just put in contacts and a little make-up. I got to the place before Scott arrived and found a seat and was pretty much glued to it all night. There was a group of 10 young girls that dressed up and were having a blast talking and dancing that it made me down and depressed because I don't look sexy or have confidence to be like them. HELP. No one would notice how I felt because I naturally keep quiet and don't draw attention. I sit and listen and smile. I felt like I could leave and nobody would miss me. We never made it to see the 2nd band and after we stopped for gas, I left for home. I took out my contacts, fed the cats so they wouldn't pester me too early and went to bed with my clothes on.
I got up around 10:30 and fed the cats and then ate cereal while reading the paper. I then came online to catch-up on FB postings and start my blog and watch TV. HELP. I have chores and housework that I could be doing but feeling tired and have an attitude of who cares. I must not.
I will be going out tonight to see Scott's band and alot of his family and friends will be there. I will probably look happy, smile, take pictures and not be glued to my seat but will come home secretly wishing I had more fun talking with them, dancing and going up on stage.
Losing weight is more a mental transformation then most people think. I know this but I must not care enough. I need help.

Thanks for reading

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Thursday, January 28

Even though I went to bed at 10pm, I woke up late. I got up and out the door in 15 min. I made it to work with 3 min to spare. I got a replacement chair and all was good. I ate oatmeal and before I knew it half the day was over. I left the office for lunch. This is quite rare since I like to stay at my desk to do some work and surf the net. I ate a burrito (not the best choice). The afternoon was very odd because the call volume was slow. I was able to organize filing of my orders while handling the phone calls. I then worked on follow-up of quotes and gathered up new faxed/e-mailed order to process. I was asked to stay late to help another co-worker get her orders processed as she is on vacation tomorrow. I wonder how I can be caught-up and she is so unorganized. Then I wonder how I can put so much effort at work to stay "in shape" but not give the same effort at home and to myself. My dinner was chicken dumpling soup and a turkey/bacon/cheese croissant with french fries. I must end this blog so I can get to bed before 11pm.

Thanks for reading

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wednesday, January 27


It amazes me that I get to work on time. The morning was going good except that my chair broke and won't stay at the height I set it at. I have to realize it broke due to my weight. I am now sitting in a steel folding chair. When you are use to sliding around on wheels not be able to does make it more difficult to do my work. I ate a cold chicken burrito from the vending machine. I thought I had a Lean Cuisine in the freezer at work but I was wrong. I also ate my orange and Nutri Grain bar. I noticed I felt a little light-headed/dizzy so I better check my blood sugar level. It's high (damn). Now I realize why I feel this way today. I didn't let the afternoon busyness get to me even though a co-worker was venting that she is getting call after call after call. After I got home, I didn't get active. I fell into the habit of grabbing a diet soda and sitting on the couch to watch recorded programs. My dinner was rib meat, 3 spoonfuls of potatoes and vegetables and a snack of honey nut chex mix. I am my own worst enemy. I don't push myself. I take the easy road. I need help.

Thanks for reading

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tuesday, January 26

The day started ok. I got up a little later than I wanted but still had plenty of time to dress and get to work on time. I walked in with a better attitude than I have in some time. I thought "whatever the day brings, I will not let it effect my mood" I won't let others around me get under my skin. I kept that feeling going all day even when a customer called and basically accused me of being a dumb blonde. I vented and let it go and moved on to the next task. I remained focused and felt good.

For breakfast I ate oatmeal and then for lunch I had a Lean Cuisine entree and a Nutrigrain bar. I had an orange as a snack on my drive home. I resisted the habit of sitting on the couch to watch recorded TV and did a few task. For dinner I had 2pcs of meat loaf, 3 spoonfuls of sweet potatoes and of corn and glass of milk.

I should have done more activity at home. I will work on this.

Thanks for reading

Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday, January 25

Wow, it has been 2 months since I have posted. I feel bad about this and want to journal my thoughts and feelings. I am not going to let the work stress rule my mood. I am going to be more vocal. I am going to be more active while at home. I will not let myself down.

Thanks for reading