Sunday, January 31

Before I went out to see Scott's band, I ate a a cup fo broccoli cheese soup and a turkey, bacon, cheese croissant with french fries. I got ready and this time I put on my favorite sparkly shirt because it's roomy and doesn't cling. I put in my contacts and some make-up. I did try to put my hair up but that was a disaster. I arrived and found some of Scott's family already there so I talked and found a seat. I started out by getting 2 shots and another drink. I was going to loosen up early. I got some camera tips from a new friend and I was excited to learn more about my new camera. I was inbetween groups of friends and that was perfect for taking pictures. I started feeling stuck in my seat but in order to get some crowd shots, I had to move. His sister-in-law said I should go on stage and she would take pictures of me next to Scott. I felt that my size got in the way of standing close enough to him for a nice kiss on the check picture. A few more friends arrived and came over to talk with me! I got another shot but I never felt tipsy or buzzed the whole night. I did move around more up and around the stage. I danced and smiled and had fun. After the band finished, the house music came on and I felt like chair dancing which means moving and groving all while sitting. The friends noticed me and they thought I was buzzed and concerned about me driving home. I said I was find and just feeling the music. I then stood up behind the table and backed by the wall and was able to move more. I was noticed by more people but still in a comfort zone because I was behind the table. I felt great! I was in a great frame of mind.
I made plans with Scott for Sunday and we kissed goodbye. I got home around 3am and fed the cats so they wouldn't pester me in the morning and went to bed but could not fall asleep right away. I thought about getting up and going on FB but I changed my mind. I woke up around 10am and ate cereal and read a few sections of the paper. I will now get ready for our afternoon.

Thanks for reading

Saturday, January 30

HELP. I didn't go to bed on Thursday night before 11. I was up past midnight and then when I tried to sleep I couldn't. It's like I couldn't turn the switch off in my brain. It's not that I was thinking of anyone or anything, it's all random snippets of stuff. HELP. On Friday, I got up with just enough time to get to work. I ate my oatmeal and the day began. I was so focused on entering orders left over from yesterday that the morning flew by. I didn't even leave my department to go to the bathroom. I grabbed a lunchable from the vending machine and then ate an orange and NutriGrain bar for lunch. I then focused on organizing some of my work while I was on switchboard duty. When I returned to my desk, I was hit with more than a dozen faxes from 2 days ago and more in my e-mail. HELP...NO. Guess what? I didn't ask for help, I focused on the task and when I left work I had processed every order.
Later in the evening I was going out with Scott to see some bands play. I got home and soon was out to eat a gyro and french fries. HELP. I arrived back home to get ready. I didn't put alot of effort into changing my attire from what I wore to work, I just put in contacts and a little make-up. I got to the place before Scott arrived and found a seat and was pretty much glued to it all night. There was a group of 10 young girls that dressed up and were having a blast talking and dancing that it made me down and depressed because I don't look sexy or have confidence to be like them. HELP. No one would notice how I felt because I naturally keep quiet and don't draw attention. I sit and listen and smile. I felt like I could leave and nobody would miss me. We never made it to see the 2nd band and after we stopped for gas, I left for home. I took out my contacts, fed the cats so they wouldn't pester me too early and went to bed with my clothes on.
I got up around 10:30 and fed the cats and then ate cereal while reading the paper. I then came online to catch-up on FB postings and start my blog and watch TV. HELP. I have chores and housework that I could be doing but feeling tired and have an attitude of who cares. I must not.
I will be going out tonight to see Scott's band and alot of his family and friends will be there. I will probably look happy, smile, take pictures and not be glued to my seat but will come home secretly wishing I had more fun talking with them, dancing and going up on stage.
Losing weight is more a mental transformation then most people think. I know this but I must not care enough. I need help.

Thanks for reading

Thursday, January 28

Even though I went to bed at 10pm, I woke up late. I got up and out the door in 15 min. I made it to work with 3 min to spare. I got a replacement chair and all was good. I ate oatmeal and before I knew it half the day was over. I left the office for lunch. This is quite rare since I like to stay at my desk to do some work and surf the net. I ate a burrito (not the best choice). The afternoon was very odd because the call volume was slow. I was able to organize filing of my orders while handling the phone calls. I then worked on follow-up of quotes and gathered up new faxed/e-mailed order to process. I was asked to stay late to help another co-worker get her orders processed as she is on vacation tomorrow. I wonder how I can be caught-up and she is so unorganized. Then I wonder how I can put so much effort at work to stay "in shape" but not give the same effort at home and to myself. My dinner was chicken dumpling soup and a turkey/bacon/cheese croissant with french fries. I must end this blog so I can get to bed before 11pm.

Thanks for reading

Wednesday, January 27

MUST GO TO BED BY 11PM. MUST GO TO BED BY 11PM. MUST GO TO BED BY 11PM.


It amazes me that I get to work on time. The morning was going good except that my chair broke and won't stay at the height I set it at. I have to realize it broke due to my weight. I am now sitting in a steel folding chair. When you are use to sliding around on wheels not be able to does make it more difficult to do my work. I ate a cold chicken burrito from the vending machine. I thought I had a Lean Cuisine in the freezer at work but I was wrong. I also ate my orange and Nutri Grain bar. I noticed I felt a little light-headed/dizzy so I better check my blood sugar level. It's high (damn). Now I realize why I feel this way today. I didn't let the afternoon busyness get to me even though a co-worker was venting that she is getting call after call after call. After I got home, I didn't get active. I fell into the habit of grabbing a diet soda and sitting on the couch to watch recorded programs. My dinner was rib meat, 3 spoonfuls of potatoes and vegetables and a snack of honey nut chex mix. I am my own worst enemy. I don't push myself. I take the easy road. I need help.

Thanks for reading

Tuesday, January 26

The day started ok. I got up a little later than I wanted but still had plenty of time to dress and get to work on time. I walked in with a better attitude than I have in some time. I thought "whatever the day brings, I will not let it effect my mood" I won't let others around me get under my skin. I kept that feeling going all day even when a customer called and basically accused me of being a dumb blonde. I vented and let it go and moved on to the next task. I remained focused and felt good.



For breakfast I ate oatmeal and then for lunch I had a Lean Cuisine entree and a Nutrigrain bar. I had an orange as a snack on my drive home. I resisted the habit of sitting on the couch to watch recorded TV and did a few task. For dinner I had 2pcs of meat loaf, 3 spoonfuls of sweet potatoes and of corn and glass of milk.

I should have done more activity at home. I will work on this.

Thanks for reading

Monday, January 25

Wow, it has been 2 months since I have posted. I feel bad about this and want to journal my thoughts and feelings. I am not going to let the work stress rule my mood. I am going to be more vocal. I am going to be more active while at home. I will not let myself down.

Thanks for reading