Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wednesday, November 25

I had a 2.2 lost this week. I will take it but know I can do so much more to lose weight.

Last week I was not getting enough sleep. While at work on Friday I looked very pale but still felt ok so I decided to stay my full 8 hours. I had no eveing plans so I came home and went directly to bed. I didn't eat anything since lunch before going to bed. I covered up but still had the chills. I slept from 5:30pm to 7am. I didn't feel great but I know the sleep did wonders. I grabbed a banana, Fiber One bar and glass of water. I still needed to rest but couldn't get comfortable to stay in bed so I went to the couch for another 2 hours. I had a long, busy next 2 days ahead of me. I met my cousin at 11am and she drove to her sister's house for a Tastefully Simple party. While in the car, I wondered if I was not well enough. I felt light-headed and uneasy. After a 1/2 hour or so, I did begin to feel better. I sampled the foods and had 2 diet soda during the 2+ hours we were there. I still had a looong day/night to come.

I got back home and started to gather items for my overnight trip. Scott had a show in a town about 1 hour north and after the show ended we planned to drive another 1-1/2 north to sleep at my parents house before our next event. When we arrived at the place for his show I could have ordered some food but I didn't feel hungry. I will say that again, I didn't feel hungry. On one break, Scott did say he was starving and might stop somewhere on our drive up to my parents house. The show ended later than planned and Scott and I helped take the gear outside and then load into the vehicle. We finally were on the road at 2:45am. I was not sleepy because I slept so much the previous day. We drove about 5 minutes and came upon a accident scene and the road was blocked so we had to find an alternate way. We stopped at a gas station and Scott asked if i wanted anything so he picked up some chips, cookies and pretzles. I should have skipped eating but I munched on the pretzles as we found our way back to the highway. We finally arrived to my parents house at 4:50am. We headed directly to bed to get in as much sleep as possible. I was lucky to get tickets to Lambeau Field to watch the Packers!! It had been 14 years since I had been to a game and this would be Scott's 1st ever game.

We got up around 9:30am and had 1 stop to make before getting to the stadium. We drank some OJ and had a piece of muffin bread. We made our stop at a cheese factory for some curds and limburger cheese (Scott's dad loves this--not Scott or I). The storekeeper could tell we were on our way to the game. I asked him for the best place to park and he was kind enough to gives us directions and a map page out of the phone book. We parked and began walking. The sun was out and the temperature was 53. Scott had his camera out and took some shots of fans wearing the home and visiting side jerseys. We got through the crowd of fans entering and to our seats about 15 minutes before game time at noon. My friend Karen and her brother were already there and we settled into watching the team being announced and running onto the field from the tunnel. The field and the players seemed smaller than watching it on TV. I grabbed the cheese curd bag and started to munch since I was feeling a bit light-headed. When half-time was nearing, Scott and I went to the concession area. I ordered chicken fingers with fries and a diet soda and he decided not to eat anything because the prices are so high for food and drink at sporting events. We got back into our seats to enjoy the 2nd half. Scott continued to take pictures and by the end of the game had taken over 500. The camera has an action shot feature that takes multiple shots all in just a few seconds. The Packers won!!! We watched the crowd and the players leave the field before we left the stadium and walked back to the car. After finding another route south out of town because of the traffic jam, we drove to Appleton to do some shopping. Not wanting to spend time sitting down at a restaurant, we drove to Mickey D's for dinner. I got a chicken sandwich and fries and listened to a CD from our shopping trip. I got home and we unloaded his things into his car and my things into the house. He left for home and I watched some TV before going to bed about 11pm.

I felt ok on Monday morning, not too tired from the weekend. I brought the remaining cheese curds and pretzles to work. I had oatmeal and poptart for breakfast. I snacked on the curds and pretzles all day because I didn't bring a typical lunch with me. I was not happy with myself because I ate all wrong. I did stop at Cardinal Fitness and rode the bike for 30 minutes before going to my TOPS meeting. I was surprised with the 2.2 loss and I thought my next weigh-in will not be as nice. I continued with not so good food choices on Tuesday.

It is now Wednesday. I had oatmeal and poptart for breakfast. I ate some Wheatables snack crackers and a donut before it was lunchtime. I then had a diet pepsi and ate 2 cookies. The afternoon has been very slow at work so I have been able to write this blog.

Scott and I plan on going to see another band play tonight. Tomorrow I will leave with my brother to visit our parents house upnorth for Thanksgiving. With my lack of control, this day will be difficult to say the least. On Friday, I will do some black Friday shopping in Green Bay and hope to walk off some calories. I plan on returning home on Saturday to celebrate my upcoming birthday with Scott. I will make 2 birthday wishes.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wednesday, November 18

I was watching the Biggest Loser yesterday and one of the contestants, Rudy, talked about his sister dying from cancer when she was young. This fact surprised the trainers, especially Jillian. While Rudy was exercising, Jillian tried to find out why Rudy kept the information hidden. He said something like he didn't want to tell anyone that part of his life. She continued to press Rudy to explain. He said his sister was diagnosed around age 14 and he was about 12. His parents immediately stayed with their daughter at the hospital and that meant Rudy was cared for by other relatives. Jillian pressed Rudy to let out his emotions from dealing with being "abandoned" (Jillian's word, not Rudy's) by his parents. Jillian thinks that Rudy put on the weight because of this emotional stress in his young life. He was cared for and loved but kept his feelings bottled up inside. Watching this unfold in front of me, the keeping emotions and feeling inside, was something I could relate to in my own life. I don't think I have a specific event in my life when I started to hold in my feelings and my hurt. I was always quiet and never spoke up when something bothered me. I need to scream and let it out. I have to stop hiding within myself. I wanted to write more tonight but it's getting late and I need my sleep.

Thank you for reading.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Saturday, November 7

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I feel stressed, I eat when I am bored, I eat because the clock shows it's "lunch" time or "dinner" time, I eat when I am happy, I eat till I feel full (always), it is never just a snack. Why am I not in control? Most times when I eat, I am alone. It's like food eaten while alone won't hurt me. I tried writing a food journal and that lasted 3 or 4 weeks. No one else read my journal. I didn't see the benefits of being reminded of what I ate. When I re-read what I just wrote, I feel like I am a child needing to be punished by an adult. Why do I feel like a child at 41 (almost)? Most people think I look younger, a lot younger. Some say I look like I am in my late 20s or early 30s. It's flattering but somehow it bothers me. How does someone look more adult-like?

Last Sunday I wanted to watch the Packer/Viking game with Scott but her wasn't feeling good and it was a later game starting at 3:15 so it was better to stay home and get to bed at a reasonable time for work on Monday. I still stayed up to 11PM ish. I can't recall what I ate during the evening but I know it was too much.

I awoke on Monday and got to work on time and things at work were manageable, not very stressful. However, during lunch I ate my Lean Cuisine but had to grab something more from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was busy and before I knew it, it was time to leave. Just then I remember there was no TOPS meeting but rather there was an area meeting at a different location. That meant no weigh-in. I got home about 8:30 and ate dinner. I was on the couch all night watching TV and on my laptop and ate again before going to bed again late sometime after 11:30.

I got up on Tuesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was an easy morning but still at lunch after eating a salad I grabbed something extra from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was fine but got busy during the last hour. When I left work I was thinking that I had my shoes and should have went to Cardinal but I went home instead to get my bills and debit purchases organized and balance the checkbook. However, when I got home I grabbed a soda and jar of peanut butter (the natural kind with oil on top that needs to be mixed) sat on the couch and watched my soap on DVR. I ate nearly half the jar. Why? Then it was dinnertime. Afterwards I sat back on the couch and watched TV and on my laptop. Scott called me while driving home from band practice. His voice sounded fine but he still had his cough/cold and I wished it would get better soon. I stayed up late again, ate a FiberOne bar and went to bed after midnight.

I got up on Wednesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was a busy day from minute 1. I ate my Lean Cuisine but this time I didn't get something more from the vending machine. Why not? The afternoon remained busy but manageable. I left work and went home. I walked in the door and first thing I did was grab my mail, my receipts and checkbook to organize my finances. I also grabbed the jar of peanut butter. Why? Then it was dinnertime. I remained on the couch watching TV, and on my laptop before eating 2 FiberOne bars before going to bed.

I got up on Thursday feeling tired but had no problems getting to work on time. This day was busy and I mean B U S Y. I find it hard to really describe it to anyone. It sounds like I am a complainer or a whiner when I do so I just keep it mostly inside myself. I had a salad for lunch but also grabbed something from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon kept me hopping to handle things. I even stayed an extra 1/2 hour to process some orders. The stress built up so much so that in the car on the drive home I was close to crying. Why? I felt alone and that nobody could understand if I tried to explain. When I got home I grabbed something to eat and sat on the couch to watch my soap. I went to a restaurant with my brother for dinner. I got home and sat on the couch to watch TV, be on the laptop and had a couple of FiberOne bar before going to bed after 1AM.

I was WAY tired on Friday but got to work on time. This day was surprisingly much quieter than Thursday. I kept thinking that would change but it remained pleasant all day. I texted Scott "HAPPY FRIDAY" thinking his cough/cold was better or gone completely. There was a kringle set out and a bag of Lays pototo chips that I avoided all morning. I ate my Lean Cuisine but grabbed a handful of the chips. I went back 3 more times during the afternoon. Why? I knew I was going out to celebrate Scott's niece's birthday but the exact details were not known to me yet. I got his text with the details. I thought it was best to head home before meeting up with him at the bar/restaurant. I ate a FiberOne bar while watching my soap. Then I left for the party. I showed up and found Scott still was sick and he said it was getting worse. I hope he goes to see a doctor on Monday. I enjoyed being out with him and his extended family. We took pictures and he even posed for 2 pics wearing a birthday crown and holding balloons. He gave me a quick kiss as we left. After I got home, I watched TV and ate 2 more FiberOne bars before going to bed. Why?

I woke up too early on Saturday. I got out of bed at 8:30am and soon had cereal for breakfast and then watched a movie. It was a record warm day but I stayed inside looking out the window while sitting on the couch and on my laptop. Around noon, I texted Scott to see how he felt but didn't get a reply. I figured he was sleeping or away from his phone. During the week we had talked about seeing a movie so a few hours later I called him. He said he would still go but I knew he didn't feel up to it so we decided to skip going out. We both said that he having this cold sucked. I knew he wouldn't want to come back to my place so we could spend quiet time cuddling. I went out for soup and sandwich with my brother and he stopped at Walmart and while in there I grabbed a bag pf pretzles and since coming back home I have been writing this blog and munching on them. Why?

Its after midnight so I need to get some sleep.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sunday, November 1, 2009

It has been a great weekend. It started on Thursday. This was our 1yr dating anniversary. Scott and I met up after work at the same restaurant as we did last year. I saw his car drive up and then he texted that he was here and just like last year I replied so let's go in and get the date started. We sat near the same table and we exchanged cards and had a nice talk. We both made room in our calorie budget. Scott had some items to return to the library so we went there and I continued to enjoy being together. We checked out some music and movies and since he has a cold, we hugged and I kissed his check area about 7 times. The next day after work we headed to Madison to have dinner and see a movie. We found this Chinese place on a drive last year and its become "our" place. We skipped eating lunch but I knew eating here went over out calories for the day. We saw the movie Paranormal Activity in a packed theater on Halloween eve. We then headed to 1/2 price books which has become another favorite place. We searched shelves of $1, $2 & $3 CD's and clearance movies. I found 4 CD's and 1 movie and he found several more. We left there and started back home but I missed the freeway entrance and since we had a GPS systems we decided to take another way home. He still had his cold so we hugged and I kissed his check area about 7 more times. Now is was Saturday so I was able slept in. I ate a banana and cereal for breakfast about 11:30. Later on I was meeting up with Scott and then over to his sister's house to go trick or treating at 5pm. Most of the adults dressed up as well. The group took pictures and enjoyed just being together and I will look forward to doing the same next year. Then Scott and I could have went to see 3 different bands but all were at least 45 minutes out of town so we decided to go to a bar where his niece works. We had a couple of drink and because of his cold we left so he could get home and rest up. Today is Sunday and with the extra hour of sleep I woke up at 10:30, I had cereal and a few peanuts. Today is also the day that Favre returns to Lambeau Field to play against his former team. It is 30 minutes to game time as I finish this blog. GO PACK GO and I wish Favre has a great game too. He deserves to have another superbowl ring!!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

October 19, 2009

I am still here. I am still fighting. I am fighting why I eat wrong.

I went to TOPS and had a 0.6 gain.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Monday, October 5, 2009

I lost 2.6 pounds this week. I got much needed rest over the past week. I am watching Brett Favre play his old team. I will get back to writing more in my blogs soon.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Monday, September 28

I had my TOPS meeting tonight, it was a .6 gain. Small but still a gain. I need more exercise. I need more rest too. So this is all for tonight.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuesday, September 22

I lost 3.4 pounds this past week. I haven't been getting enough rest. I have to change that. I felt I was in control of my snacking before or after meals but I did snack a bit more on Sunday and Monday then I should have. I ate chips with dip during the Packer game and in the evening I ate spoonfuls of natural peanut butter in the evening after dinner. Today was the funeral of my great aunt. She was 82. After the service, we met for lunch. When the bread basket came, I lost it. I ate 3 pieces with butter. I even drank 4 glasses of water during the meal. I will remain focused on portion control and making better food choices.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wednesday, September 16

Since my last post, the Packers beat the Bears, I went to the gym, I rode the bike 30 minutes and the elliptical for 7 minutes. I lost 6.4lbs this week. I want my lease to be renewed. I stayed up too late. I just make it to work on time. I read blogs to be inspired. I miss reading those that have not posted in awhile. I watched Biggest Loser. I had oatmeal and banana for breakfast. I had Lean Cuisine and Fiber One bar for lunch. I had Fiber One poptart as a snack. I worked. I got behind. I worked to get caught up. I look forward to this weekend. I will write more after I get more sleep.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sunday, September 13


It has been a good week overall. I have limited the snacking inbetween meals. I still must get back to exercising after work. Getting back to work after the holiday was a little rough. I was so busy that it makes the day fly by. I ate a Fiber One bar and oatmeal for breakfast and a Fiber One poptart with a can of soup for lunch. After work, I wasn't prepared to workout so I came home but I didn't snack before dinner YAY! I went on the computer and played a game that keep me busy. For dinner I had chicken and vegetables. I got back to the computer game so I avoided snacking after dinner YAY! I was feeling somewhat (insert emotion) that made me question what I have to offer in a relationship, like what makes me a person to get to know. I went to bed without answering myself. On Thursday, I was leaving work early because Scott had a show in Madison (about 1 hour away) starting at 4pm. The day started bad since I could not decide on what to wear or what to bring to change into for the show. I got to work 1 minute late. After I sent my request to leave early, I heard that a co-worker called in and would not be in all day. I then grabbed her leftover work and noticed she had orders/faxes from Tuesday. So before 9am, I was buried and I was leaving at 2pm. YIKES! I only ate oatmeal for breakfast. I wasn't making alot of progress with the extra work because the phone was constantly ringing and interrupting the order entry part of my job. I had the Fiber One bar and poptart plus a cold chicken burrito for lunch. The next 2 hours were crazy. I had to leave e-mails unaswered and phone call requests for tomorrow. I was so focused on work that I forgot I wanted to put gas in the car during my lunch break. I was to meet Scott and had little time but it all worked out since he needed to get gas in his car for the drive to Madison. We had a nice talk on the way. We arrived to the location which was an event to celebrate college back in session. The place was giving away free vitamin water and then free sandwiches along with free Monster and Bud Light samples. The place also had people dressed in coffee cup costumes. They twirled and danced which made for great video. Hopefully soon Scott will get video up on YouTube. I ate 2 of the sandwiches and a diet pepsi. After a short stop-over at the keyboardist's grandparents home that was up for sale, Scott and I headed back home. On our ride, I was thinking more about what I bring to our relationship. I don't play music, I don't read about music, I didn't go to the same concerts. I don't know the names of the guitarists or people from the bands of the 70s and 80s. I do listen and look interested in the conversations but lack the knowledge in order to participate. Scott asked if I had friendships from school still to this day or if I ate lunch with and hung around with people at school and he asked what I did after school. I was an introvert at school because of my weight. I was teased and talked about but I would ignore it was happening and keep my feelings and thoughts inside. I never wanted to cause a scene. I did my work and very little extra curricular stuff. I would come home and do my homework and watch TV. I would not call friends or hang-out at the mall. I stayed safe at home. This is not to say that I enjoyed my life. I just never did much to change the direction. After I arrived home, I went right to bed. I awoke on Friday and got to work on time. I ate oatmeal and a Fiber One bar for breaksfast and dove into my work. I have switchboard relief on Fridays. My department was down 1 person again today. I could not get answers back to people in my e-mails or my voice messages that I hoped I would. I am glad business seems busy for us but it is really picking-up or are we short-handed? I ate the Fiber One poptart plus a cold chicken burrito for lunch. I worked non-stop but couldn't reply to everyone. I left work knowing that Monday will be rough but ITS THE WEEKEND!! I had a gyro for dinner (kinda a routine) for Fridays. I came back home and played games on the computer which stopped me from snacking. I was up to midnight when I finally went to bed. My cousin called me at 8:30AM to talk about her mother who is recently diagnosed with a relapse of her cancer. Its in stage 4 and in many places within her body. She mentioned her daughters have volleyballs games so I decided to watch her 11 year old play at 10:30. They lost all 3 games but she served very well overhand which is new to her this year. I ate some popcorn and had a diet pepsi for breakfast. I came back home and played computer games to keep myself busy. I was still a bit tired from my late night and early rise. I ate some chocolate chip ice cream as a early afternoon snack. Scott texted me that he would be at tonights show about 8:15 for sound check and that he was spending time with his friend Kyle. I went out to eat with my brother and got home about 7:45. I had broccoli soup, a piece of bread w/ butter and meatloaf with mixed vegetables. I brought the dessert home. I then changed clothes and headed to his show. I arrived just as they were playing the 1st song. I sat at the bar and during the break Scott came over with the camera and said I could only take video since he left the memory card at home. I took about 90 minutes of video throughout the evening. Scott bought a single rose for me and I kissed his cheek (he has a slight cold) and thanked him. It is almost our 1 year dating anniversary. While talking Scott made a comment about renewing our lease (dating). I said is the rent going up? I mentioned I would like to renew the lease and hope he thinks the same. I helped with the packing up the gear and taking it out to the vehicles. He walked me to my car, we hugged and kissed on the cheek and went home. I went right to bed. I awoke on Sunday about 9:30 and still tired but I still got up, fed the cats, grabbed the desset from last night and watched TV (football pre-game on ESPN and then on FOX). At one point I got dressed and started to watch Favre's new team, the Vikings play Cleveland Browns. Before halftime, my brother asked me to go with him and his dog down to the lakefront. I got on my walking shoes and we got going. There was a kite festival so the place was buzzing with people but there is lots of room at the park. I took my digital camera and snapped lots of pictures. I think I walked about 1 mile. The dog probably 3 times that!! We stopped for a bite to eat and I had a chicken sandwich and diet coke. It has been a great late summer weekend. I hope we have 2 more great late summer/early fall upcoming weekends. Well got to run to the grocery store before the Sunday night football game between the PACK and BEARS at 7:30 tonight.

Making better choices,

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tuesday, September 8

I enjoy reading the blogs and this is giving me encouragement and motivation. I am not a writer so I have not posted lately. I will give a update now. The work week went well except our receptionist was off and I had a 2-hour stint on the board all week. This takes me away from my own desk and then I play catch-up. During the week, I ate oatmeal for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I had sensible dinners and limited the after dinner snacking. I met a friend after work on Thursday to go walking. Stacy knows I am trying to lose weight and that I needed to do this. I don't know how far we walked but it was not too long before my body began to ache. I told her that I have to get into a routine of walking or going to Cardinal Fitness again. She said as long as the weather was not rainy or too cold, she and I would make this walking happen at least once a week. I was happy I did the walk! Then late on Thursday, Scott finally sold tickets we had for the American Idol concert in Madison. We were excited to go when they went on sale but the hoopla was over now. Since he found a friend willing to buy them, we were able to make other plans for the Labor Day weekend. So at 11pm, I was online making hotel reservations for the trip to Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. I was so tired but this had to get done because I would have no time during work to do it. I had taken a 1/2 day off on Friday and I had a few hours to kill before meeting up with Scott on Friday afternoon so I stopped for lunch and relaxed while most of the others were rushing to eat and get back to work. I then picked up a few items for the weekend. We were hoping to leave at 5am Saturday morning so we both went to bed around 9:45. We got on the road around 5:40 and the drive up there seemed to go by real quick. We stopped twice to stretch and get some food. We ate breakfast sandwiches for around 450 calories. We arrived around 11:30 and went directly to the MOA. We both were there before but it had been years ago. I changed into my walking shoes and we made 4 round trips (once around on each floor) looking mostly at sports jerseys. Scott wanted a Favre #4 Vikings jersey. He didn't get one on Saturday. However, he bought more than I did. How can that be right? Aren't women normally the impulse shoppers? We ate chinese food and I know it was high in calories but I knew we had did alot of walking to sorta offset it. We left MOA around 5:30 and went to our hotel and enjoyed the entertainment in the "backyard". They had a 60s/70s band out in the pool area and a bar and a grill area. We had a $20 credit so we ordered drinks and a burger each (YUM YUM). We then moved closer to the band and listened to their 3rd set which ended about 10pm. After kicking off our shoes, Scott got out 1 of his purchases. It was a puddy-like material in a plastic container that when you press in your thumb or fingers you can make fart-like sounds. No he and I are not teen-agers but this prank-like "toy" was rather silly/fun. Seeing him smile and listening to him laugh made it a special memory that we both can remember of our trip. We went back to MOA on Sunday and he bought a Favre jersey and we took pictures of each other pointing to the jersey to post the pic to a friend. We then went to Underwater Adventure and took lots of pictures of shark, stingray, seahorses and other fish . This is where you can walk through a tube and the fish are above your head. I was a bit silly and he took pictures of me making faces into the camera. We started to head out of Bloomington around 5pm and drove into Minneapolis while taking pictures of the scenery of the drive and then into St. Paul. We saw the Dome where Favre will play against his former team on October 5th. We drove back through Wisconsin to his parents cottage to spend Labor Day on a lake. We arrived about 11:30pm and were a bit un-tired so he hooked up his camera to the TV to view the photos he took. About 1am, we went to sleep. On Monday morning the lake was packed so going out to fish would have to wait until later in the evening. It was an enjoyable do-nothing day. I was sad this vacation was nearly over. His brother and his wife came over and we grilled brats, hamburgers and steak and had a shrimp salad and another ramen noodle salad. I ate 2 burgers, some of both salads and then a small homemade strawberry shortcake. It got too late to go fishing so instead we talked and watched the sun setting over the lake. Scott and I left his parents cottage and returned home. We had a deep conversation that lasted into the wee hours of Tuesday morning. We talked about our weight and our inability to lose it before now, we talked about our feelings towards one another and I felt more secure in our friendship. I want more but do understand that it will come in time. Good things come to those who wait.. right? I spent the mid-day of Tuesday at home cathing up on mail and unpacking. I ate a Fiber One bar and a Fiber One pop-tart for breakfast into lunch. I got busy with a computer game that kept me from noticing I wanted to get something more to eat. I was proud of myself that I did not give into the habit of eating before dinner. I am also proud of myself that I did not give into the habit of eating after dinner. I want this proud feeling to continue and grow into more confidence.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Tuesday, September 1

I feel different. I feel like reading these blogs is sinking in. I know there are readers out there that truely want me to succeed. They want me to learn from their struggles. They want to let me know they were just like me. Struggling with losing weight.

Yesterday I went to my TOPS meeting and was down 4.2 pounds. I was happy but I have to be consistant with my eating. I have to be honest about what I eat. I have to realize that all foods have calories weather eaten in public or at home where no one else knows what I eat. My cats can't tattle on me!!

I bought salad ingredients recently and on Saturday I cut up the green pepper, cucumber, red onion and added peas. I made 2 large containers of it all!! I made a bowl afterwards and used a small bit of low-fat dressing and it was delicious!! Later on I met up with Scott to watch his band play. I was having a great time and became a bit tipsy, Scott was the designated driver, because I ate just a banana and yogurt for breakfast and then the salad for dinner. I would like to dance more but don't feel I look good doing it because of my weight. I enjoyed moving the upper half of me to the beat of their music while sitting. One day soon I will get up on the dance floor and want to have people look at me.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday, August 28

I have been feeling down since Monday. How do you, "the readers of my blog" get over feeling blue?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Wednesday, August 26

As I start this blog at 9:45pm I wish I had something interesting to say. I read several blogs after work and those are written with a story and have a sense of hope.

Check back tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesday, August 25

I went to TOPS yesterday and had a 1.6 gain. I am not surprised by it. I am disappointed in myself.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday, August 23

After resting a bit, we got up and began our walk back to the car. In the parking structure, I had to walk up a flight of stairs and it was not easy. I hate that feeling. Getting into the car was difficult too because my lower back ached and muscles were tight. It was hard to bring my 2nd leg into the car. I hate that feeling. We drove to a restuarant to have a sandwich and soup. I should mention that it was a cooler than normal August day, so soup made sense. I ordered a turkey club with soup. I got a cup of chicken noodle soup and told Scott that I was not going to add crackers to save on the sodium. After eating the sandwich, I got a 2nd cup of the other soup, broccoli cheese. I said I was feeling full and thought back on what I had eaten since finishing the walk. I didn't eat anything before the walk and made up for that after the walk. After being home for a bit of talking and then saying goodbye to Scott, I went to Subway to get dinner. I ordered the oven roasted chicken breast on wheat bread, no cheese, lots of vegies, and yellow mustard. After I was home, I played a computer game and watched TV on the couch. I then started writing my blog and it took several hours because I could not focus my thoughts. I noticed my ankle was feeling more sore. It was nearly impossible to get up. I felt very weak and could not put my full weight on it. I finally went to bed after midnight. When morning came, I felt the same ankle pain and limped around to get the cats fed and then me showered and dressed. Then all of a sudden the pain was nearly gone. I hadn't eaten yet when my brother came to ask more about the walk. We took a drive and ended up eating at Tazino's. I had a salad without dressing, with spinach and lots of veggies. I did eat a few slim slices of pizza but I did good with the portions. I should get to working on my new bedroom.

Make better tomorrows

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday, August 22

My furniture did arrive on Friday. My brother was here to let them in while I was at work. Unfortunately, the mattress was not in stock. WTF? I called and was told the mattress came into stock after the truck was loaded the evening before for all the deliveries. They told me they could get the mattress delivered on Saturday from 8p-10p. WTF? I asked which location had the mattress and them made arrangements to pick-up at the warehouse after work. Again, thanks to my brother for having a truck and tie-downs. We hauled the box spring and pillow top mattress into position and I was finally going to sleep in my new bed! My food choices were not all good. I ate 2 small cake donuts for breakfast and a ham salad sandwich with chips for lunch. After getting my mattress home, I went out for a gyro sandwich with fries.

Scott and I were doing a 5k walk on Saturday. We got to the staging area around 8:45. We picked up our numbers and donated our pledged money from family and friends. We took pictures and listened to the band off the front side of the starting line. The energy was high when I started walking. We had many others around us for support. Around mile 1 I started to feel sore in my lower back. I needed a "tow" from Scott. I held onto his arm several times. I leaned on a picnic table for one minute to help my back. I didn't want to sit and soon I got back on the path and made it to mile 2. We were talking and that made me forget about the back pain. I pushed and soon we were back at the starting/finishing area. I am glad I did it! We grabbed some snacks and took more pictures. We hadn't had breakfast so seeing food was grand. I grabbed a 1/2, fruit chews, jelly belly beans and apple danish kringle with a bottle of water. We got our picture taken then that was put into a Make-A-Wish button as a souvenir. We then sat and ate our kringles.

I have more to say but its getting late so I will write more tomorrow.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thursday, August 20

I awoke today feeling very sore from sleeping on the couch. I cannot turn as much as I do in a normal bed. My leg and hip felt like it was numb since I stayed in the same position all night. I was rushing to get ready and wasn't able to take anything to work for breakfast or lunch. I grabbed a danish at 480 calories. Then for lunch I found a packaged diet plate of carrots, celery, egg, crackers and cheese. I also got a snack package of vege chips for 140 calories. I called the furniture store to reschedule my delivery and at first I was told they had openings next week and that's when I explained my ordeal. They came back to say that I would need to call tomorrow morning at 8am to make arrangements for a Friday delivery but when I got home I received a call telling me of a 2-hour window for delivery tomorrow. Now I need to ask my brother to help out and be here waiting for them since I have to work and he has Friday off. I plan on calling the actual store to complain and I will tell my salesman that I was inconvenienced for 2 extra nights of being on the couch and having to wait around all evening Wednesday for the truck that was 2-4 hours late and for having to make my brother wait here on Friday. I will ask for some type of refund. Before dinner, I grabbed some shelled peanuts and snacked on them. For dinner I had 2 pieces of meatloaf with gravy, a baked potato with 3 pats of butter and mixed vegetables. I hope to get some restful sleep tonight. I will be busy tomorrow since my manager is gone and I will assume some of her work and I have switchboard duty for her breaks and her lunch hour which takes me away from my desk for 1-1/2 hours. I hope my furniture does arrive since I will need a good nights rest because on Saturday Scott and I are participating a 5K walk to benefit Make-A-Wish Foundation that grants wishes for children for life threatening diseases.

Make better tomorrows

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wednesday, August 19

Yesterday I forgot to list what I ate for dinner and what I did all evening. I had to remove everything from the bedroom because I was getting new furniture delivered on Wednesday. I came home and started putting clothes and shoes in the closet and grabbing small items off the dresser. I dragged a shelf into the next room. I started to get tired but needed to keep going. My next idea was to move the dresser. I kept everything in the drawers so it was quite heavy. I got it half out of the room and then I realized I needed to get out of the room to push the dresser the rest of the way into the next room. I climbed on top of the dresser dragged my leg around the corner and then twisted down off it. I pushed the rest of it into the next room. I folded the bedspread and removed the linens from the bed. I lifted the hugh pillowtop mattress and stood it up along the wall. I was sweating but still had more left to do. I took a break for supper. I ate a salad, a skinless chicken breast and green beans. After dinner, it was time to tear apart the waterbed frame. Luckily my brother was around to lend a hand (really did most of the work) taking it apart. I did help bring the pieces outside along with dragging the mattress out too. I kept the headboard and pushed that into another room. Now it was time to vacuum the carpet. I have 2 cats so the hair builds up quickly. I had to empty the canister twice before I was finished. I then made up the couch so I could sleep comfortably. I really had a workout! The thought of having my new bed and mattress tomorrow made all this work and sleeping on the couch bearable. I awoke Wednesday feeling a bit stiff but after getting up and getting ready I was ok. I went to work, it was busy but not overly stressful. I had a breafast bar for breakfast and then a salisbury wrap for lunch. I also had a snack bag of vege chips from the vending machine. The delivery was scheduled between 5-7p. I arrived at home and found a message on the machine that they were running behind and gave me a new window of between 6:30-8:30. I quickly had dinner of a salad and spam/cheese sandwich all while looking out the window. As the night went along I didn't see the truck nor get a phone call. When 8:30 came and went I was quite upset that I needed to sleep another night on the couch. I don't know why but I though about eating. I grabbed a diet soda and thought that would end the craving. It didn't. I ate 2 more breakfast bars at 140 calories each. Finally about 9:15, I got a call from the delivery guy and he said he could still come by but I said it was too late and that I would reschedule. Well, its time to get the "bed" ready.

Make better tomorrows

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesday, August 18

I wanted to give everyone reading my blog a quick update. I was out of town from Friday evening until Monday evening. I went up to see Scott's band play on Saturday afternoon and then on Sunday he and I would take a drive around door county and then head to my parents place. It was his first time visiting their place. On my drive up Friday night, I stopped at Qdoba and had a burrito and then while at my parents place I had ice cream. It's a habit to have ice cream when up there. On Saturday for breakfast I ate a omelet and potatoes and then drove 45 minutes to the town Scott was playing and parked the car and walked about 6 blocks to the venue. For lunch I got spaghetti and 2 small pieces of bread. I took some pictures of the crowd too. During the band's break, I walked out to the lake and walked out on the breakwater and took nice pictures of the marina and beach and boats and people. I was a bit out of breath on the walk back to the stage. I felt good though! I took more pictures and when the show was over I said goodbye to family that were heading back home and I stayed to help with the gear. Once that was loaed into the van, Scott and I stayed to get a bite to eat. We ate this terrific soup full of vegetables and it was called booyah soup. We soon headed to my car. We drove about 30 miles through beautiful countryside. We got a place for the night and it was next to a Walmart. We went there for a few items (some healthier than others) but we were on vacation. I got pringles and Scott got doritos. I thought I didn't do too bad with eating, although I didn't record the calories eaten. On Sunday, we got going around 11am and instead of eating our snack foods, we went to Ponderosa for their brunch. I had a great salad without dressing. I also took some breakfast foods in moderation and then another plate of a few lunch foods. I know I didn't have as much food as I used to at this restaurant. The real problem is that I knew my mom was having a big meal and with other family over for dinner. I ate more than I should have and even ate 2 oatmeal/chocolate homemade cookies. He and I took a drive so I could show him some sights and he could take pictures of the sun and clouds and nature. We came back and put in a movie and when I mentioned there was ice cream, he and I had to have some. I didn't record the calories. We talked again about his hernia and what was wrong in the insde and I got worried that this problem was never going to get fixed. I know I worry too much and that means I care. When the morning came, he was hurting and it was at that moment we both realized that we can't eat differently because it's the weekend and we're on vacation. I felt like I could've made different choices so that he didn't hurt. I was partly at fault for his pain. After a few hours, we got packed up for the drive home. We took the slower highway back and drove through tiny towns. At one of these towns we stopped at a family restaurant and had burgers and fries. It was our only food so I thought that wasn't a bad choice. I dropped him off and then I was off to my TOPS meeting. I was surprised to have a 3.4 pound loss! I get confused on why I have this loss with the way I ate. Later that night, I talked to Scott and he was hurting big time and I told him to think of me trying to make the pain go away. He mentioned that he needs to get back to drinking the shakes and lose a big amount of weight in a short time so he can have the hernia surgery to repair his insides. I told him that I will support him in any way he needs me. Today I went back to work and ate a fruit bar for 140 carloies and a Lean Cuisine meal for 240 calories. I also ate several grapes during the day. I found out that Scott's pain was not bothering him at work so that made me happy. I came home and got working on tearing down my bed and removing all furniture from my bedroom because tomorrow I will be getting a new set delivered. I worked nearly 2 hours at it and it was good exercise. So tonight I have to sleep on the couch. I thought this was going to be a short blog but as you read this you already know I was not brief.

Make better tomorrows

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thursday, August 13

Its been 3 days since my last confession.

On Tuesday, I had plans to attend the state fair and I was leaving work early. I did manage to bring everything with me to work. I ate my banana and oatmeal and had a Lean Cuisine for lunch. The work stress was minimal most of the day but picked up right before Scott arrived to pick me up. We were taking 1 car down to park at the fair. I would leave my car at work and he would drive me back there after the show. After we parked, he carried his guitar and a duffle bag and I carried the camera bag and another bag of stuff. The walk was good for me. After he set-up, we grabbed some food. I had a chicken sandwich and part of the cheese fries. It was a humid night so that probably stopped many from dancing. Most just sat in their seats. Since photos of people seated are not the best for the band's website, I didn't take any. Before the 3rd set, I got 2 tostadas and ate them. When the show was over and all the gear was packed up, Scott and I walked back to the car carrying the same items back with us. We both were getting tired along the way. I ended up getting home around 11:30 and went to bed knowing I was going to do this again tomorrow. I do enjoy being a little part of the band. It was a not the best day for for eating but I did get some exercise with all the walking.

On Wednesday, I awoke still feeling very tired and was not as prepared with everything I needed before I left for work. I did get to work about 20 minutes early though. I ate my banana and oatmeal and had a Lean Cuisine for lunch. But soon after finishing the lunch, I was craving more to eat. My head was dizzy and I take this feeling of being a sign that my blood sugar is low. I took my coin purse into the lunch room. I bought a cold chicken burrito and ate that too. The work stress was minimal again most of the day but picked up right before Scott arrived to pick me up. I decided to drive my car closer to the fair so that when I left it would not be so late when I got home. I parked my car about 10 blocks away and then Scott drove us to a closer spot. It was then that I remembered I forgot to bring my ticket. He luckily had one that he was planning to offer to someone at his work. I would replace that ticket the next day with 1 that I forgot at home. We then walked with the same gear from yesterday to the show today. The stage was different from the other 3 shows. I thought the location would allow for more fair-goers to walk by and eventually come dance. The 1st set usually doesn't bring out the dancing fans so I didn't take any pictures. During the break I got some food, I had chicken tenders and some cheese fries. When the 2nd set started, I had the video camera out taking video of the band and soon the dancers showed up. The area had better air flow so it was not as humid as the previous night. I stood on the stage taking video and pictures. I also took pictures from my seat off to the side. I eventually had thoughts of getting something more to eat but I was able to stop myself from doing it. After the show ended, I was thinking that Scott should just pack up his own things and not help with the whole gear since both of us needed to get up for work early. Before I said anything, Scott mentioned that I should just leave with my brother so I could get home and get to bed. I didn't want to at first but quickly realized this was a good idea. Thanks dear! On the way out of the fair, I remember that my purse was in Scott's car. We were too far to turn around and I realized the only thing I really needed in my purse was my license. I called Scott and we made plans to get my purse in the morning. My brother had parked over 10 blocks away and I was very tired walking to his truck. He then he drove me to my car. I got home and should have just went into the bedroom but I made the turn towards the TV and then grabbed the last remaining pringles and ate those before going to sleep. This was not the best day for eating but I did get much exercise from walking. I went to sleep after midnight and was dreading hearing the alarm in the morning.

On Thursday, I awoke and got ready to leave to meet Scott to get my purse. I was in the garage and it hit me that I didn't have my phone. That made me leave later than I wanted. I believe he still got to work on time. I ate my banana and oatmeal and had a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I had thoughts of going back into the lunchroom. I took my coin purse and found another cold chicken burrito. I ate this too. The work stress was very low today and almost to the point of wondering if the phones were working. As I left work, I then remembered I did not bring the extra tickets for Scott. I figured I would talk to him and try to get the tickets to him on Friday. Soon after I got home, my brother was telling me what happened to his dog, Hunter. He had him down at the lakefront and was walking along the shore and the rocks when all of a sudden Hunter's foot was cut and bleeding. Apparantly, their was some glass or sharp piece of rock that caused the cut. He took Hunter to the vet and he needed stitches, antibiotics and pain medication. I went along when he picked up his dog. He was so groggy yet from the sedative that he laid motionless on the way back. It was odd to see this super energetic dog so out of it. After he got his dog in the house and settled, we went to a restaurant. I had a baked ham & cheese club sandwich with fries and soup. I ate it all with very little thought of taking 1/2 of it home. Another day of not the best food choices and didn't get any exercise.

I arrived back home and started to watch my DVR of shows from the last 3 days and write this blog. It is almost 11pm as I finish this so it is time for bed. I will be out of town this weekend with almost no access to the internet. So no new entry until Monday.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Monday, August 10, 2009

Monday, August 10

I hit the snooze too many times this morning. I was able to get to work on time but I need to stop pushing the limit. I ate my banana and oatmeal and started to open my work e-mails. I sat at my desk from 7am to 10:15 and didn't yet enter a single order. I was just responding to requests and printing the orders getting them ready for entry. I ate my Lean Cuisine and had a Fiber One pop-tart for lunch. I had both eaten in under 2o minutes and dove right back into my work even though I had another 30 minutes on my lunch break. Oh well enough about work, some people have it worse then I. I get to sit and be cool in the office. I was thinking about my TOPS meeting all day and about taking some filing home so I could get it in numerical order so it could be filed and off my desk. I thought I would work on it at home after my meeting. I was all prepared to still go to Cardinal Fitness but my inner fat voice told me to stop at a restaurant, get a table and work on organizing the paperwork before going to TOPS (I have about 90 minutes after work before the meeting begins). I need to go to Cardinal no matter what. When am I going to not let my own self stop me from going?

Thanks for reading my blog and giving me support and encouragement. It does help.

I need to get myself ready for tomorrow. I will be going to the fair after work with Scott. His band has another show.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sunday, August 9

The weatherpersons were predicting a hot & humid 90 degree day. I was going to a family reunion about 2 hours north of town. I didn't have time for breakfast before I needed to leave. There would be lots of foods later on. The shelter was indoors but it was not air conditioned. I was hoping we would have at least a breeze to cool it down. On the drive, the skies were getting cloudy so I thought it was going to rain. It stayed dry so I think that helped keep the temperatures down. When I arrived I was surprised by the low turnout. Then I heard a large group of family was staying home because my mother's cousin is sick with Krohns (?) and my mom's uncle is in hospice with cancer. With so few family, the variety of food was not there but still had tasty options. I enjoyed a salad of greens, cucumber and light french dressing. I had 4 meatballs, barbecue/manwich on a small bun, pasta with broccoli pieces, cauliflower pieces cheese cubes and an oatmeal/chocolate desert. I did not track how many calories I ate today. The weekends are tough for me to stay on track and on target with 1500 calories.

Well, it's time for bed. Going to be busy at work trying to get caught up after my 2 days off last week so need my rest.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Saturday, August 8

Thursday morning I awoke will swollen ankles from all the salt ingested with the pretzles from the previous 3 evenings. I was planning to attend the Wisconsin State Fair with my brother which means alot of standing and walking. I wore sandles and brought walking shoes. I ate a banana before leaving home. I was carrying my purse and another bag of food to donate. This cans were heavy and after walking a short distance from the parking spot to the donation drop off, I was already thinking about sitting down. I felt better once getting rid of the weight. Note to self: I would feel better once getting rid of MY weight.

We stopped at a place offering potato pancakes so I had 3 cakes with syrup and a soda. We then walked to see the pig races (its a Wisconsin Fair favorite). Hammy Hamelin and Piggy Gordan won 2 of the 5 races. One of the races even involved ducks. We stopped at a shop selling sunglasses. I was wearing mine and looked at the selection but ended up not getting aything but my brother got a nice pair. We walked around outside but soon decided to go into the large expo center to cool off. This air conditioned building houses more than 100 vendors so we weaved our way up and down the 15+ aisles. After about 45 minutes, I needed to rest. We sat and watched young kids performing dance routines. When they were done, we got up and finished shopping. I bought a couple items. We headed back outside and went into the Wisconsin products building. We ended up getting grilled cheese sandwiches. We walked to the milk booth and ordered 2 flavored milks (banana and strawberry). I said to my brother that I felt full. We walked to the area where Scott's band was going to play and found that they were there setting up. I walked by to say hi and then left to head back to the car. My feet were aching so the walk to the car was painful. I needed to change into my walking shoes and to grab the camera for his show. Scott's band played a full 3 sets from 6p-10p. They had a nice crowd that got up front to dance. I took about 150 shots, from in front in my seat and from behind the stage and even on stage! I didn't track my calories but I feel I didn't blow it in a big way either.

Friday was another day off work. YAY. I didn't stay asleep long enough but I did lounge about until 10ish. I ate a banana and a Fiber One pop-tart. A friend called and I got dressed and met up. I was home by 1p to watch my soap. I was feeling drained from the lack of sleep. I ate another pop-tart. I then decided to set-up the Wii Fit I purchased with the Wii game system. After about 30 minutes I was ready to use the Wii Fit program. I stood on the board and was told that I exceeded the weight limit. I was very hurt by this fact. I packed away the Fit board and then played the Wii Play program. It was dinner time and I went out for a gyro. I didn't log my calories this day either.

Saturday morning came and I awoke to a few thunderstorms. I did a load of laundry and had a bowl of cereal. I get dressed and grab items I needed for another afternoon at the State Fair. I asked my brother to drive there and drop me off. Scott's band had their 2nd of 4 shows. The rain had let up and it was getting hot and muggy. During their sets, it was raining but we were protected by the huge tent. The crowd was good but no one was dancing up front. It was too sticky to shake a leg! I was offered a chocolate covered bacon on a stick which I ate because it was melting. Oh well. After the show was over and after they removed their instruments and loaed the van, we walked to another tent to listen to more music. I ate a meatloaf sandwich before we left the fair. My brother came back to get me and since he hadn't ate dinner we drove to a family restaurant. I ordered a baked ham club and only ate half and brought the rest of it home. I didn't log my calories again.

Sunday I am heading out of town for a family reunion. Its gonna be a hot, humid day and our building is not air conditioned. YIKES.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Friday, August 7, 2009

Friday, August 7, 2009

It has been a week since my last confession -- posting an entry. It's tough to remember the feelings I had and the events of the days since the last posting so I will try again to post daily. I wish words would come out of me like other blogs I have read. Their thoughts "read" much better then I could ever do myself. I know this is one reason I take 3-4 hours to write my blog. I write a phrase and then delete part of it and then make changes and then delete the changes and then write a whole different phrase and the cycle repeats. I am not focused?

Monday was my TOPS meeting and I was unsure what the scale would reveal. I had a banana and oatmeal for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I recently started to write in a food journal so I did track the calories I ate. I was generally over the 1500 limit I set for myself; however, the scale gave me a -2.4 result. YAY. Ater coming home from the meeting I ate a normal dinner but somewhere around 9pm I grabbed pretzles out of the cupboard that I purchased the evening before. I saw what a serving size amount was and how many caloires a serving was then I saw myself take the bag to the table. While I was on the computer reading a blog and watching the DVR of my soap, I would pull out a pretzel and then another and then another and another. I guess I had 40 to 50 pretzles. My fingers were busy eating, typing on facebook and working the remote. I guess I love multi-tasking!

Tuesday after work I planned on looking at a local furniture store for a bedroom set. I asked Scott to come along. I had 2 or 3 ideas from the stores ad. Scott provided his advice and then I chose a bedroom grouping. He also liked my choice of mattress. Earlier I had my typical breakfast and lunch. I was worrying about going home and how much I would eat. I did grab the pretzel bag again. I need to break my bad habits!

Wednesday was the same foods for breakfast and lunch. I had the next 2 days off work so I was hoping this day would be similar to the last two. It was! YAY. I met Scott at a Subway after work because I had a seminar to attend for 1st time home buyers. I went to hear information and to prepare for what I need to do. The wife of the bands former bassist is a realator and she was one of the speakers. The meeting was over around 8:30 and I made my way home. I had just about finished the pretzles over the last 2 days so I was less worried I would eat again. I didn't but from all the salt I ingested with the pretzels, my ankles and feet were swelling up. I have to NEVER buy salty pretzles!

I stayed up WAY late reading a blog. It was a blog from the singer in Scott's band. In fact, I had been staying up late for about 5 days reading all her entries over 2+ years period. Her husband was dealing with a cancer diagnosis and I had a similar situation with cancer 7 years ago. Both of our loved ones died as a result of the cancer. I wanted to get it all read before their show on Thursday. I never met him prior to reading the blog but after reading his words, I felt like he was a friend and I mourned his loss. I wish I knew of blogs when I was dealing with my husbands cancer and his death. She has a written record of his words and his feelings. As time has gone by, I have forgotten much about my husband. I am sure she has re-read some of the postings and loves to "hear" him again!

I will end my blog here and pick-up with Thursday thru Saturday in my next blog.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Friday started rough. I had a cheese danish, a whopping 470 calories. We were short handed in my department and I have switchboard duty on Fridays (give the receptionist her breaks and lunch). For lunch I had a salad. It had cheese and ham so not sure how many calories but guessing 400. I was worried that the afternoon was going to be bad but it didn't turn out so bad.

I was going dog sitting/fishing this weekend at our "hideaway". Before I left home, I grabbed a chicken breast and 2 turkey dogs. I am guessing this was 500 calories. I was almost at my 1500 calories for the day. I got packed up and headed out to meet Scott. We talked about going to Walmart to get a few items but ended up at this dollar store and grabbed fiber one bars and pretzels. We munched on the pretzles with some salsa while watching a movie. I am guessing this was 350 calories for a total of 1730.

I woke up today and didn't eat anything until 11:30, ate a fiber one bar and water. A small 140 calories. I watched a movie and enjoyed being lazy. We left for fishing around 2:00 and I was very hungry by then. We both were saving calories for the spaghetti dinner Scott's father was cooking. We started with a salad. The dinner was very tasty and I felt full. I am guessing it was 1000 calories. We didn't go fishing because it was too windy.

A local bar was having a Gilbert Brown fundraiser for cancer. William Henderson was also there. Both signed autographs and there for pictures for $10 each. They played a Deal or No Deal / auction and Scott made a bid of $100 and got a jersey signed by Santana Dotson and another sweatshirt signed by Henderson. We also got their signatures. It was a very nice time. We came back to the hideaway and I had a yogurt while writing the blog which is 90 calories. The total was 1230 and I don't feel like snacking, Yay.

This is a great day.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I am wishing for that click moment. I read about it in other blogs. The feeling that you finally "get it".

I believe I can lose weight.
I believe I can exercise.
I believe I can change my habits.
I believe I can do alot of things.

What I can't believe is that I am not doing.

Why isn't that voice in my head smarter?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Its been a week since I posted so there is a lot to put down. Scott bought us both a journal and calorie book. My thought was to start using it on Monday. He had a show on Thursday at a county fair and I got to see David Cook sing before Scott's band played. We avoided eating carnival food while there; however, I ate from McDonald's before meeting up with him to drive there. I naturally woke up tired on Friday since I didn't get home until 1:30am. I was very busy at work and originally planned on skipping lunch. Then my brother called and invited me out to lunch and I couldn't say no since he drove out to my work before I got his message. I ate about 850 calories for lunch. The afternoon was less hectic but I still could not get much completed. Then that evening he and I went to our favorite gyro restaurant and I don't even know how many calories I ate but I know I went well over 1500 for that day.

On Saturday I was invited to Scott's parents cottage to relax and fish. I was prepared to leave my house but found my tire was flat. This was not the first or second time. It was more like six or seven times. I went to the dealership and got a new tire. When I told Scott he said it was about time I got it replaced since he knows of the numerous flat moments and that I have the money to cover it. I got to his place and we packed up the car. I brought too much stuff for just 1 night. He only brought a shirt and deodorant and I had a suitcase and another bag for toiletries. I needed a fishing license so we went to Walmart. We did buy some healthy food there too. We went to a family style restaurant for dinner. I did bring some of my food back with me even though I could have eaten it all there. We went fishing during the late afternoon/evening and I got some bites on the line and did bring in 2 fish. We stayed up late watching a movie and I was fighting to stay awake to watch the ending.

On Sunday Scott and his parents were talking about life and goals and ideas and family. I listened and enjoy getting to know them but when it came down to me I couldn't say who I was, what I wanted or my purpose. I felt stupid and upset that I missed a great opportunity to have a deeper connection. We had a healthy dinner of turkey burgers and a salad that Scott made by cutting up tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms and a great peppercorn ranch dressing. We did go out fishing afterwards but I was not getting the fish to bite. I felt drained. I was starting to think of work. On our way back, we came upon a rainbow. I got his camera and took photos of that and then of clouds and nature. I enjoyed taking pictures with the encouragement from Scott saying I could take good pictures of nature. We got to his place but then I didn't want to go home. We hugged and kissed, sometimes taking longer then I think he wants to do it. I left and was so tired that I went to bed shortly after getting home. I felt great waking up after getting 7+ hours of sleep.

Yesterday and today I feel like a failure. I haven't kept track of my calories in the book that Scoot got me. I was given some news at work that made me feel under appreciated and was still so busy. After work on Monday I should have exercised but felt drained so instead of going to Cardinal fitness, I drove to Qdoba and parked. I pulled out the calorie book and saw what a burrito was and talked myself out of going inside. That was a short-lived small victory. I left Qdoba and drove closed to my meeting. I ended up going to McDonalds and ordering the #5 meal. I ate that in the parking lot and then went to my TOPS meeting. On Tuesday after work, I told myself I was too drained to go to Cardinal so came home and finished the trail mix before eating dinner. I read the blogs from Sean and Jack and Zaa and Scott.

So why did I find something more to eat before writing this blog?
Why did I have to eat before TOPS?
Why did I have to eat at McDonalds?
Why is my mind telling me to eat?
Why can't I eat healthy?
Why I am so down?
Why can't I feel happy?
Why can't I feel that I am worth more?
Why do I need to ruin my life?
Why can't I spend money on more than bills and food?
Why am I rambling to Scott about work problems and knowing he don't want to hear it?
Why am I afraid of the future?
Why am I afraid of not having a future?
Why can't I be normal?
Why can't I talk about my desires?
Why I am so afraid to talk?
Why don't I know who I am?
Why don't I just give up on being in love?
Why I am still awake (its 1:20am on Wednesday)?
Why do I cry?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wednesday morning was nicer then it has been in some time. I got to bed early and boy is sleep underrated. I grabbed my typical breakfast and lunch foods and was off to work.

Yesterday I had grapes and ate more than half of the package. I looked up the calories and was shocked. I didn't realize how much sugar and calories are in just 1 cup. I probably ate 4 or 5 cups. That is when I knew I should get a book on the calories content of foods.

I co-worked came to my desk and showed me a bag full of boxed candy. He wanted to thank our department for a project. I asked if it was ok to take a pass on his gift. He said definately and I was happy with myself that I respectifully denied the candy. Later on he said was there something else I would want. At first I did think of money but didn't say it. I eventually asked for trail mix. I should have just said I was fine with nothing.

Scott and I worked out together after work. I was very happy to have my partner there! I was on the stationery bike for 8 minutes before he arrived and then we were on the bike for 10 minutes. We then went on the eliptical and I could not even do 5 minutes. When I was working out regularly, I did up to 12 minutes on the eliptical. Even though it was difficult, I was thinking I can do better and have done it before.

I will do it again.

Scott did pick up a calories content book for me and one for him. He tells me it was jaw-dropping to see the number of calories in foods he used to eat. Never again wil he eat that way. I am so proud of the change I see in him.

Tomorrow Scott's band has a show at a county fair. We both said we did not want to eat carnival food. I said we have to plan ahead so we have healthy food with us. He has a plan for having his shakes.

Wishing for better tomorrows

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tuesday started out very similar to yesterday. Just having enough time to get ready for work and grab breakfast and lunch. I had my oatmeal and banana and the fiber one bar and then the Lean Cuisine for lunch. I was not tempted to get any snacks. I think the calories are at 795.

I planned on working out but realized I forgot the lock and I could not store my stuff in a locker so I used that as an excuse to not workout. My though was to go home and ride the bike I have at home but it's surrounded by things making it nearly impossible to use. I grab a diet coke and started to watch my soap. The sunflower seeds were close at hand so I ate the rest before dinner. Then I had a boneless, skinless chicken breast, brown rice with cream of mushroom soup stirred in, broccoli and a glass of milk. I didn't figure how many calories this meal is yet.

Then I started to watch TV and go online to read blogs and go on FB. I grab one more diet coke and had 2 fiber one bars which are 140 calories each. I probably went over my 1500 calories plan.

Wishing for better tomorrows.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I will eat 1500 calories

Monday morning started a bit rocky. I slept a little later than I should but I was able to make it to work on time. I had plans to workout after work and I wanted to bring my ipod but without the time I left without it. I had time to bring my normal breakfast and lunch to work. I had a banana, oatmeal and water and a mid morning fiberone bar and a Lean Cuisine entree for lunch. The total calories is 565 which meant I had 935 left for any snacks and dinner. Around 2:30, I got a craving for food. I tried to ignore it and just drink water. It worked for a short time. I gave in and went to the lunchroom and got a sweet & salty snack of seeds, raisins, peanuts and m&m's which was 140 calories so now I was at 795 left for dinner. After work I went to workout and I did the elliptical for 5 minutes and then the stationery bike for 30 minutes. I worked off 150 calories (or what I like to say, I worked off the snack). I then went onto my TOPS meeting. I weighed in 1.4 pounds less then last week. I told one person there that I was re-dedicated to losing weight and sticking to 1500 calories. She was happy for me

Then I came home and my old habits are surfacing. I grab a typical dinner. Shortly after, I remembered a pack of sunflower seeds that I bought the day before and brought the whole bag to the living room and watched the DVR of my soap. I have eaten over half the bag and am struggling with not eating the rest. Maybe I should just go to bed. But that would not be the untimate answer.

I have to change my lifestyle.
I have to change my habits.
I have to love myself.
I have to do it this time.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What I want

I want to get up from a chair/couch just be standing up, not leaning on something
I want to take a bath in the tub, not just a shower
I want to wear a belt
I want to wear a tucked in shirt
I want to cross my legs
I want to wear trendy clothes
I want to go to amusement parks and fit into the rides
I want to run
I want to fit into lawn chairs
I want to play frisbee
I want to feel cute
I want to go shopping and have FUN trying on clothes

I will stick to 1500 calories
I will go the Cardinal Fitness
I will talk to my doctor about my possible depression
I will start to care more about myself
I will change my habits

I will do this for me

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I went to sleep earlier last night so getting up today was somewhat easier. For the 2nd day I did not have my typical breakfast of oatmeal and banana. I got a apple cinnimmon muffin from the lunchroom and drank my water. This was only 180 calories so I knew I would be hungry later in the day.

I wanted to go out for lunch but when the time came I didn't leave. I have an hour and can go to several places from fast food to a sit down restaurant from american to italian to mexican to chinese. 2 of us take our lunch at 11am and 2 of us take lunch at 12 and 1 takes a 1/2 hour lunch at 11:30. We do this to have at least 2 on the phones. The others always go out to get away from their desk. I am uncomfortable going out alone and would prefer to be at my desk to make certain I keep ahead of the work.

When I left work I was thinking of stopping for food. I should have just came home but the addiction was too strong. I got the #5 meal from McDonald's and came home. I gave the cats their food and then sat down to eat mine. I need to find another passion besides food.

About 3 years ago I was a member of Curves which was for women only. This is a place to workout in a circle of resistance machines followed by a step platform followed by another resistance machine that alternated on upper body and lower body. There was about 12 machines and 12 step platforms. I would work out for 35 to 40 minutes during my lunch hour and would come back to eat lunch. I had the drive back then but the location nearest to my work closed and I then let my membership end.

Now I am a member of a fitness club for everyone. I was going 3 times a week, sometimes 4 and in the beginning was very motivated to work out. I started this new program and when it started to become difficult to work on the some of the weight machines and to work on the floor doing crunches, I let that difficulty stop me from going. Today I made the decision to go back. I can't make excuses anymore. My future self needs me to get it together now.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I started this day the same as yesterday. I hit the snooze bar several times. I did get up to feed the cats but I soon returned to the comfort of my bed. The snooze kept being hit until I finally realized it was past the time I could get ready and make it to work on time. I started to think if I should call in but soon thought that was a stupid idea. I had just got my workload to my pre-vacation way. As I was getting ready I remembered I needed to stop for gas. Why did I not stop for gas last night when I was out coming back from my TOPS meeting? I did not have any oatmeal packets or bananas to take for breakfast and I almost stopped at McDonald's for an egg mcmuffin but thought I could make a better choice at work. I found a chicken salad wrap and ate that for breakfast so I could take my pills and drank my water. On Tuesdays, I am part of a conference call to our manufacturing plant in China. This meeting is usually 20 minutes but it went on for an hour so I was concerned about how much was waiting for me at my desk. Surprisingly, just 2 voice messages and 5 faxed orders. I was already looking forward to lunch.

I didn't bring a lunch either so it was back to the lunch room. I chose a chicken frien steak sandwich and I had a fiber one bar and my water. I did a few work things but spent 1/2 the time making out checks and paying bills. Doing this took my mind off food and I think my mind figured out I was full since it takes about 20 minutes to register the full feeling. A person needs to eat slower and chew more.

My afternoon was good and I didn't take any snack size hershey bites .. YAY. I left work and as I approaced my car I noticed my tire was almost flat. I walked back into work and asked if anyone had access to an air compressor but they knew we didn't have an adapter to fit on the tire nozzle. I had to charge my cell phone before I could use it and I walked up to the front office to do this. Well to my surprise our switchboard diva Joanie had a small air compressor. She would use it while I sat on the board to answer calls. I told her she was my hero. I drove home in far more traffic since I was later leaving work and was soon thinking about what to eat for dinner. Eventually had a large chicken breast with boiled then mashed potatoes and corn. Have to eat fast so I can watch the All Star game .. GO PRINCE GO ..

I must get back to the gym. I hope my partner is ready to go back too. However, I will not let that stop me.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I started my day by hiting the snooze several times. When it was the absolute latest to get to work on time, I got moving, got dressed, got things needed for later in my bag and off to work. I was so not happy it was Monday. However, soon after I arrived, I got a text from Scott saying Happy Monday and it brightened my spirits, if only for a short while.

For breakfast, I had oatmeal and a fiber one bar and my ever present water. We had a full staff in by 8am. Its been since June 25 that all 6 of us have been in the office. People were asking Karen about her week off and I just stayed focused on handling my e-mails and answering the phone. It was almost 9:30 before I knew it. This is my 15 break time so I am able to make my phone busy. I typically stay working on processing quotes/requests/answering e-mails since I won't be interupted by a ringing phone.

I had a Lean Cuisine meal for lunch and more water. YUM. I still did do a little more work while on my lunch break. I finally did open all the e-mails (some are not answered since I need to ask others) but getting to this point is very promising for the afternoon. I gave in to temptation by taking 2 snack size hershey bites from a co-workers desk. I little while later, I felt a rush in my head that was probably a sugar surge. The remainder of the day was ok.

When I left work, I was thinking of food so I stopped at Qdoba and had a burrito. I need to find out how many calories it had. I was then off to my TOPS meeting. I am the assistant weight recorded but had to be the official recorder since Pat was not there. I stayed the same weight as last week. One member lost 14 pounds. She said the best thing for her was journaling what she ate and exercising. It is all so simple if we can only re-wire our brain. I have support. It will happen.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Its been a week since I have posted. After many days off I went back to work last Monday. I had a busy day playing catch-up. My job is customer service/parts sales/order entry for a manufacturing company. When I am away, those that call my extension will hear my voice mail message telling them that I am not in and the incoming faxes and other incoming phone calls get divided between the others in the department. However, our e-mail system does not allow senders to know that I am not in the office. I was able to view my work e-mails from home and did delete some but I still had 45 to deal with. It is very difficult to answer these quickly and when the phone is ringing and the faxes are growing, it cane make a person re-think taking time off. I got through Monday without pulling my hair but but still had so much waiting for my return the next day. I did a couple of errands before my weekly TOPS meeting. This is a support group of men and women trying to Take Off Pounds Sensibly. I didn't attend the previous week's meeting and I was not sure if I had lost weight. I did lose 1.4 and that was good enough to be the 2nd place in our group. It was a bad weigh in for most since it was after the holiday. I had to choose a NO-NO for the group to avoid in the upcoming week. I chose to avoid pizza.

The following day at work had my department down by 2 persons and it was difficult to deal with the e-mails since more and more calls and e-mails were coming in. The plan is that I am to distribute the faxes but I feel this needs to be changed. I think if a co-workers sees faxes on the machine that they can take 1 or 2 or however many they want. Since this is not happening I then take on too much work because I feel that the customer's quote or request or orders will get processed in a more timely manner with me. Why do I do this? Wednesday and Thursday at work were more of the same. I had Friday off and I was dreading returning on Monday. I believe I ate sensibly all week. I was planning so much for Scott's birthday that it kept my mind off food.

After work on Wednesday, I had plans with Scott to see the Brewers and unbeknowst to him I planned a surprise where his name would be on the scoreboard to celebrate his birthday (it was actually Saturday, but that game was sold out). He also got a birthday bobblehead of our mascot and a souvenir baseball inside a backpack. I gave Scott a card and we had a terrific time and the brewers won!!

After work on Thursday, Scott had a show at a local park and the weather was perfect. I started out sitting on the picnic tables but moved to a blanket. I took photos of the crowd and soon my legs were hurting. I think my circulation was being cut-off but the show was only 1 hour 15 minutes so I stayed put and continued taking shots trying to ignore my pain. Which is the reason I am in this situation, I ignore problems all too often. I got up after the show ended and this helped but my body was not 100% recovered. I think this is why during the next morning I had tightness behind the knee and in the upper thigh that feels like a clot. It is a scary feeling. The ache only goes away after I get my massager plugged in and have the rotating action knead away the pain.

On Friday, I went to pick-up the cake for Scott and Joe, the band's drummer, whose birthday is Friday and Scott's is Saturday. The band had a show Friday night so combining their birthdays was only fitting. I was suppose to pick-up Joe's girlfriend and drive to the show but other events came up and I ended up going to Scott's house to ride out together to the show. I had to tell him I had a cake so I could put it in the refrigerator. All things went well during the show and during a break we brought out the cake and I did eat a piece. Scott had willpower and didn't have one. I gave him another card and gift (UV vodka and gatorade). I had another surprise for him on his actually birthday. We took the leftover cake with us and when we got back to his place, he had a piece and I had a 2nd piece. I should not have eaten it.

On Saturday, Scott knew we were going on a river/harbor cruise in downtown Milwaukee but didn't know I had a 3rd birthday card and another gift. I took 2 pictures (1 with him in it and 1 with me in it) and framed these. The cruise was called a beer and brat theme. We both don't like beer so that was easy to avoid. We both did eat 2 brats ( I had them without the buns). We took lots of pictures and video. After the cruise, we walked around the downtown area. Afterwards, we got a drink at a restaurant and relaxed our feet. We discussed going to a better place for dinner. At this restaurant, we both did have more food/calories then we should of had but the celebration of his birthday, I think, took over. I was concerned that this would ruin our weight loss plans but decided not to bring it up. I began to feel this would only happen today and we would get back to eating more sensibly.

Which brings us to today. I awoke feeling slightly sore and needed to get a load a wash done before meeting Scott for another show at the Jefferson county fair. Time seemed to get away from me and I was scrambling to get contacts in and find a shirt to wear. This "not having clothes that look right on me" caused me to be 15 minutes late. I have to remember this feeling when I want to eat unhealthy. While at fair, I did eat a gyro and had a caramel ice cream sundae, which I believe was not bad. During breaks, Scott wanted to get something to eat but could not pick something. He hadn't eaten anything all day. It was an odd day all around. We left the fair and didn't talk much while in the car. He did say he would get something to eat and I told him to not go crazy if he had to get something fast since he did not have much at home to eat. I do have faith in him.

It has taken me nearly 3 hours to complete this post. Which has kept me away from the kitchen at least for now. I wish I had more faith in myself that I will just go to sleep now.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

I had plans to clean house on Saturday morning. I awoke a little after 9am and one of my first thoughts was do not just sit on the couch and wait for later when I might feel more energetic. Now was the time. I began by stripping the bed and going in the basement to start the wash. I then went back into the bedroom to clear off the dresser. I organized some but had to find my jewelry box. I did stop to have 2 fiber one bars to take my pills. I took this opportunity to go on the computer and read blogs and read posting from facebook. I didn't stay off track too long. I got the vacuum and tried to remove the cat hair from the furniture. This took some time and I needed to rest. It's tough to say that doing vacuuming wears me out. Inbetween I went to the basement to start another load of wash. My brother mentioned he was heading out to Walmart and then a pet store so I put on my shoes and went along. We picked up a few things and I mentioned I needed to eat something and the store has a Subway in it. I was beginning to feel faint. It was about 2:30 and I had only eaten the bars. I ordered the chicken breast footlong with a drink and proceeded to eat both halves and it was delicious!! When I returned home I had plans to work in the bathrooms but I also needed to make the bed and still find my jewelry box.
I looked for product to use in the bathroom and found 3 almost empty cleaners. After spraying the tub I used all my muscle to scrub and scrape but in the end I was tired and decided to leave this to another day. I was giving up. I had picked up a computer game and started to load and play this game. Scott then called me and gave me information about the evenings plans. He had a show starting at 10pm. I figured I would leave about 8pm. While on the phone I seemed to get a spark of energy and I went to look for the jewelry box in drawers under the bed which lead me to find momentos I had forgotten but I put these back and went on with my search. I checked a couple other places but never found it. I then proceeded to flip my queen size mattress and then make the bed. In my mind I had done alot and I was finished. I didn't want to eat late at the show so I grabbed 3 hot dogs and some crackers. The crackers were high in sodium and just 3 crackers were a serving size. I know I had 5 or more servings. I was back on the computer to play the new game. I left the house about 8pm and met the group at the show and I was presented with my own band t-shirt. I changed into this shirt and watched the band set-up. I got the camera out and took a few early shots before the band played. It was an outdoor show and I was starting to feel a chill and then I remembered I had a sweater jacket in the car so I walked back to get it. I hurried backed and was not hurting. Once the show started I felt glued to my seat during the first set. I was snapping photos of the crowd just from my vantage point. The place started to fill up and I needed to stand and eventually get up onto the bench. The energy from the crowd got me moving. During the break between sets Scott sat next to me and I was running my fingers over his neck and back. I was feeling a vibe from him. I am not sure what it was but this was not the time to discuss it. He would say that I worry/think too much. Later on he said he was probably the oldest person there. The crowd was all college age people. I can't help but to think he was feeling down about his age and his weight. I know that I feel sad when my birthday comes and I am still overweight, still alone and getting older. For me I know that having a special guy in my life during my last birthday made it special. I hope he feels that having me in his life makes his next birthday better.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

I woke up on Friday still hurting from the previous day. My ankle, the area above the heel, feels weak and hurts more because of the standing and walking. I didn't have this much pain when I weighed less so I know the reason behind it. I think it was 8:30 when I started my day with 2 fiber one bars and a diet sierra mist so I could take my pills. I can't seem to down pills with just liquid. I begin the day by turning on the TV and turning on the computer. I either watch game shows on GSN or home improvement shows on HGTV or TLC. I catch up on reading facebook postings and most recently blogs that I follow. I sat on the couch for a long time and then got showered and dressed for the day. I then thought about lunch but didn't want to go out since I was unsure of my plans for later in the day. I found 2 individual packed chicken burritos and microwaved these. I then tried to nail down my plans for the afernoon/evening. Before these plans were in place, I was thinking of eating but I didn't have much to choose from at home. I tried to take my mind off of food but it was difficult. When my eveing plans were in place, I met Scott for a bite to eat. I had a fish sandwich with fries. We both then had ice cream. I should be calculating calories to know if having ice cream fit into a 1500 or 2000 calorie plan. This is something I must work on. Then is was off to the movie. Since we just ate, there was no temptation to get popcorn. It was around 9pm when the movie let out. We then drove around to watch the various fireworks shows. I was happy to drive around without a real destination. The BIG fireworks display was downtown and evenutally we did drive towards that show and it was spectacular but we could not safely stop on the freeway. He drove me back to my car and after a few kisses and then just one more I was on my way home and thinking this was a great day!

Friday, July 3, 2009


On Wednesday I attended a wedding 2+ hours away from where I live. I had a simple breakfast of a fiber one bar before I left around noon. I brought a diet soda along for the ride. The wedding was a simple event in a quaint chapel. After the ceremony several of the bridal party and guests went to a lounge to enjoy a few drinks before the reception. I had 1 mixed drink and enjoyed listening to the bride tell colorful stories. She is so vivacious and not afraid to say anything that would embarass her or her friends. I overthink how to say things and most of the time stay silent. I knew the groom from 1 previous meeting but took this opportunity to talk with him. Among other things we talked about our feelings of insecurity and our fears of saying what is on our mind. My car had more space so the bride came with me and she helped me arrive at the reception hall. Soon after I arrived my eyes saw the food and my focus stayed there. I did only have a breakfast bar and a soda. I did grab a plateful and a wine cooler. After I finished my plate I was thinking of getting more but my fear of being getting up from the table a wiggling around the chairs of other guests kept me in my seat. This was the first good thing. Shortly afterwards the cake was cut and of course I did not refuse a piece. At one point they were trying to pass more cake around but never reached my table before it was all gone. I know I would have accepted a 2nd piece. This was the second good thing. The dancing began soon after. I found a place to the side so I could video the grand march and first dance. The bride made sure I came out to the dance floor. She knows how much I like to 'shake a leg' but need a push to get out there and have fun. I didn't plan on staying to late since I was driving back home the same night. I said my goodbyes to the happy couple and left. It was a long drive and I was starting to get drowsy and my great thought was to stop for late night food to wake me up. The freeway exits lists the hotels, gas stations and food restaurants that are upcoming. I never did find an exit that had a Taco Bell restuarant. This was the third good thing. Well almost. When I got off the freeway and close to home I did stop at a Taco Bell and ordered 2 grilled stufted chicken burritos which I ate after arriving home. Eating food was so engraved on my mind that it didn't matter that is was 11:30pm.

On Thursday, I was meeting my boyfriend and his band at a park and ride lot. They had a show at our biggest festival and I help out by taking pictures and video. I was very excited to be backstage and to see the festival grounds from a different vantage point. The show began at noon. They played for 2 hours and I took pictures from both sides of the stage, from in front of the stage and up above. I knew eyes were looking at me but the focus was on the band. I have been taking pictures for months but this was a very big gig. Once the gear had been loaded onto the van and taken to our cars, we went back to the grounds to walk around and get some food. I order catfish fingers. Later I got chicken strips with fries. I would have eaten more but our feet and bodies were tired so decided to leave. We tried waiting for a shuttle but after 15 minutes decided to walk it. It was a long trek since we are both carrying extra weight. I was very sore getting into the car but glad we walked it. After getting back home, I grabbed a bit of food and sat on the couch watching DVR shows from the last 2 days. I went to bed knowing Thursday was a very good day for me.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

plans for the future

I had plans today to go to my financial institution to apply for a home loan to see how much I could be pre-approved for before looking at homes/condos. While gathering up the necessary documents, I noticed I could do this online. It took 30-40 minutes to provide the information. It will take about 2 days to determine if I am approved. I can then see what properties are available in my price range. I currently live in a house that my parents own. I do pay them rent but its much lower then a normal renter would pay. The house is in a area of the city that doesn't lend itself to 'hanging outside'. The layout of the yard is also not what I prefer. I want an area directly off the exit door or a balcony to place a grill or patio table. The inside of the house is roomy but in need of upgrades to get a more modern feel. Why talk about a home loan in a blog about weight loss? I know that my living in a place owned by my parents is taking the easy way in life. It's time to grow up and take on more resposibility with my weight loss.

The 1st blog of my journey

I am starting a blog about my struggles with losing weight to help me document my emotions and feelings and to keep a record of it all. I think I had a good day. I went out to a restaurant for breakfast and had a denver omelet with potato and toast and water. I was at a festival and had a chicken taco salad with water. For dinner I had cold chicken pasta salad with glass of milk. I snacked on pringle chips and a soda. My downfall seems to be the evening hours. Hoever, today was good since I did not over snack.