Wednesday, November 25

I had a 2.2 lost this week. I will take it but know I can do so much more to lose weight.

Last week I was not getting enough sleep. While at work on Friday I looked very pale but still felt ok so I decided to stay my full 8 hours. I had no eveing plans so I came home and went directly to bed. I didn't eat anything since lunch before going to bed. I covered up but still had the chills. I slept from 5:30pm to 7am. I didn't feel great but I know the sleep did wonders. I grabbed a banana, Fiber One bar and glass of water. I still needed to rest but couldn't get comfortable to stay in bed so I went to the couch for another 2 hours. I had a long, busy next 2 days ahead of me. I met my cousin at 11am and she drove to her sister's house for a Tastefully Simple party. While in the car, I wondered if I was not well enough. I felt light-headed and uneasy. After a 1/2 hour or so, I did begin to feel better. I sampled the foods and had 2 diet soda during the 2+ hours we were there. I still had a looong day/night to come.

I got back home and started to gather items for my overnight trip. Scott had a show in a town about 1 hour north and after the show ended we planned to drive another 1-1/2 north to sleep at my parents house before our next event. When we arrived at the place for his show I could have ordered some food but I didn't feel hungry. I will say that again, I didn't feel hungry. On one break, Scott did say he was starving and might stop somewhere on our drive up to my parents house. The show ended later than planned and Scott and I helped take the gear outside and then load into the vehicle. We finally were on the road at 2:45am. I was not sleepy because I slept so much the previous day. We drove about 5 minutes and came upon a accident scene and the road was blocked so we had to find an alternate way. We stopped at a gas station and Scott asked if i wanted anything so he picked up some chips, cookies and pretzles. I should have skipped eating but I munched on the pretzles as we found our way back to the highway. We finally arrived to my parents house at 4:50am. We headed directly to bed to get in as much sleep as possible. I was lucky to get tickets to Lambeau Field to watch the Packers!! It had been 14 years since I had been to a game and this would be Scott's 1st ever game.

We got up around 9:30am and had 1 stop to make before getting to the stadium. We drank some OJ and had a piece of muffin bread. We made our stop at a cheese factory for some curds and limburger cheese (Scott's dad loves this--not Scott or I). The storekeeper could tell we were on our way to the game. I asked him for the best place to park and he was kind enough to gives us directions and a map page out of the phone book. We parked and began walking. The sun was out and the temperature was 53. Scott had his camera out and took some shots of fans wearing the home and visiting side jerseys. We got through the crowd of fans entering and to our seats about 15 minutes before game time at noon. My friend Karen and her brother were already there and we settled into watching the team being announced and running onto the field from the tunnel. The field and the players seemed smaller than watching it on TV. I grabbed the cheese curd bag and started to munch since I was feeling a bit light-headed. When half-time was nearing, Scott and I went to the concession area. I ordered chicken fingers with fries and a diet soda and he decided not to eat anything because the prices are so high for food and drink at sporting events. We got back into our seats to enjoy the 2nd half. Scott continued to take pictures and by the end of the game had taken over 500. The camera has an action shot feature that takes multiple shots all in just a few seconds. The Packers won!!! We watched the crowd and the players leave the field before we left the stadium and walked back to the car. After finding another route south out of town because of the traffic jam, we drove to Appleton to do some shopping. Not wanting to spend time sitting down at a restaurant, we drove to Mickey D's for dinner. I got a chicken sandwich and fries and listened to a CD from our shopping trip. I got home and we unloaded his things into his car and my things into the house. He left for home and I watched some TV before going to bed about 11pm.

I felt ok on Monday morning, not too tired from the weekend. I brought the remaining cheese curds and pretzles to work. I had oatmeal and poptart for breakfast. I snacked on the curds and pretzles all day because I didn't bring a typical lunch with me. I was not happy with myself because I ate all wrong. I did stop at Cardinal Fitness and rode the bike for 30 minutes before going to my TOPS meeting. I was surprised with the 2.2 loss and I thought my next weigh-in will not be as nice. I continued with not so good food choices on Tuesday.

It is now Wednesday. I had oatmeal and poptart for breakfast. I ate some Wheatables snack crackers and a donut before it was lunchtime. I then had a diet pepsi and ate 2 cookies. The afternoon has been very slow at work so I have been able to write this blog.

Scott and I plan on going to see another band play tonight. Tomorrow I will leave with my brother to visit our parents house upnorth for Thanksgiving. With my lack of control, this day will be difficult to say the least. On Friday, I will do some black Friday shopping in Green Bay and hope to walk off some calories. I plan on returning home on Saturday to celebrate my upcoming birthday with Scott. I will make 2 birthday wishes.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 18

I was watching the Biggest Loser yesterday and one of the contestants, Rudy, talked about his sister dying from cancer when she was young. This fact surprised the trainers, especially Jillian. While Rudy was exercising, Jillian tried to find out why Rudy kept the information hidden. He said something like he didn't want to tell anyone that part of his life. She continued to press Rudy to explain. He said his sister was diagnosed around age 14 and he was about 12. His parents immediately stayed with their daughter at the hospital and that meant Rudy was cared for by other relatives. Jillian pressed Rudy to let out his emotions from dealing with being "abandoned" (Jillian's word, not Rudy's) by his parents. Jillian thinks that Rudy put on the weight because of this emotional stress in his young life. He was cared for and loved but kept his feelings bottled up inside. Watching this unfold in front of me, the keeping emotions and feeling inside, was something I could relate to in my own life. I don't think I have a specific event in my life when I started to hold in my feelings and my hurt. I was always quiet and never spoke up when something bothered me. I need to scream and let it out. I have to stop hiding within myself. I wanted to write more tonight but it's getting late and I need my sleep.

Thank you for reading.

Saturday, November 7

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I feel stressed, I eat when I am bored, I eat because the clock shows it's "lunch" time or "dinner" time, I eat when I am happy, I eat till I feel full (always), it is never just a snack. Why am I not in control? Most times when I eat, I am alone. It's like food eaten while alone won't hurt me. I tried writing a food journal and that lasted 3 or 4 weeks. No one else read my journal. I didn't see the benefits of being reminded of what I ate. When I re-read what I just wrote, I feel like I am a child needing to be punished by an adult. Why do I feel like a child at 41 (almost)? Most people think I look younger, a lot younger. Some say I look like I am in my late 20s or early 30s. It's flattering but somehow it bothers me. How does someone look more adult-like?

Last Sunday I wanted to watch the Packer/Viking game with Scott but her wasn't feeling good and it was a later game starting at 3:15 so it was better to stay home and get to bed at a reasonable time for work on Monday. I still stayed up to 11PM ish. I can't recall what I ate during the evening but I know it was too much.

I awoke on Monday and got to work on time and things at work were manageable, not very stressful. However, during lunch I ate my Lean Cuisine but had to grab something more from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was busy and before I knew it, it was time to leave. Just then I remember there was no TOPS meeting but rather there was an area meeting at a different location. That meant no weigh-in. I got home about 8:30 and ate dinner. I was on the couch all night watching TV and on my laptop and ate again before going to bed again late sometime after 11:30.

I got up on Tuesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was an easy morning but still at lunch after eating a salad I grabbed something extra from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was fine but got busy during the last hour. When I left work I was thinking that I had my shoes and should have went to Cardinal but I went home instead to get my bills and debit purchases organized and balance the checkbook. However, when I got home I grabbed a soda and jar of peanut butter (the natural kind with oil on top that needs to be mixed) sat on the couch and watched my soap on DVR. I ate nearly half the jar. Why? Then it was dinnertime. Afterwards I sat back on the couch and watched TV and on my laptop. Scott called me while driving home from band practice. His voice sounded fine but he still had his cough/cold and I wished it would get better soon. I stayed up late again, ate a FiberOne bar and went to bed after midnight.

I got up on Wednesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was a busy day from minute 1. I ate my Lean Cuisine but this time I didn't get something more from the vending machine. Why not? The afternoon remained busy but manageable. I left work and went home. I walked in the door and first thing I did was grab my mail, my receipts and checkbook to organize my finances. I also grabbed the jar of peanut butter. Why? Then it was dinnertime. I remained on the couch watching TV, and on my laptop before eating 2 FiberOne bars before going to bed.

I got up on Thursday feeling tired but had no problems getting to work on time. This day was busy and I mean B U S Y. I find it hard to really describe it to anyone. It sounds like I am a complainer or a whiner when I do so I just keep it mostly inside myself. I had a salad for lunch but also grabbed something from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon kept me hopping to handle things. I even stayed an extra 1/2 hour to process some orders. The stress built up so much so that in the car on the drive home I was close to crying. Why? I felt alone and that nobody could understand if I tried to explain. When I got home I grabbed something to eat and sat on the couch to watch my soap. I went to a restaurant with my brother for dinner. I got home and sat on the couch to watch TV, be on the laptop and had a couple of FiberOne bar before going to bed after 1AM.

I was WAY tired on Friday but got to work on time. This day was surprisingly much quieter than Thursday. I kept thinking that would change but it remained pleasant all day. I texted Scott "HAPPY FRIDAY" thinking his cough/cold was better or gone completely. There was a kringle set out and a bag of Lays pototo chips that I avoided all morning. I ate my Lean Cuisine but grabbed a handful of the chips. I went back 3 more times during the afternoon. Why? I knew I was going out to celebrate Scott's niece's birthday but the exact details were not known to me yet. I got his text with the details. I thought it was best to head home before meeting up with him at the bar/restaurant. I ate a FiberOne bar while watching my soap. Then I left for the party. I showed up and found Scott still was sick and he said it was getting worse. I hope he goes to see a doctor on Monday. I enjoyed being out with him and his extended family. We took pictures and he even posed for 2 pics wearing a birthday crown and holding balloons. He gave me a quick kiss as we left. After I got home, I watched TV and ate 2 more FiberOne bars before going to bed. Why?

I woke up too early on Saturday. I got out of bed at 8:30am and soon had cereal for breakfast and then watched a movie. It was a record warm day but I stayed inside looking out the window while sitting on the couch and on my laptop. Around noon, I texted Scott to see how he felt but didn't get a reply. I figured he was sleeping or away from his phone. During the week we had talked about seeing a movie so a few hours later I called him. He said he would still go but I knew he didn't feel up to it so we decided to skip going out. We both said that he having this cold sucked. I knew he wouldn't want to come back to my place so we could spend quiet time cuddling. I went out for soup and sandwich with my brother and he stopped at Walmart and while in there I grabbed a bag pf pretzles and since coming back home I have been writing this blog and munching on them. Why?

Its after midnight so I need to get some sleep.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

It has been a great weekend. It started on Thursday. This was our 1yr dating anniversary. Scott and I met up after work at the same restaurant as we did last year. I saw his car drive up and then he texted that he was here and just like last year I replied so let's go in and get the date started. We sat near the same table and we exchanged cards and had a nice talk. We both made room in our calorie budget. Scott had some items to return to the library so we went there and I continued to enjoy being together. We checked out some music and movies and since he has a cold, we hugged and I kissed his check area about 7 times. The next day after work we headed to Madison to have dinner and see a movie. We found this Chinese place on a drive last year and its become "our" place. We skipped eating lunch but I knew eating here went over out calories for the day. We saw the movie Paranormal Activity in a packed theater on Halloween eve. We then headed to 1/2 price books which has become another favorite place. We searched shelves of $1, $2 & $3 CD's and clearance movies. I found 4 CD's and 1 movie and he found several more. We left there and started back home but I missed the freeway entrance and since we had a GPS systems we decided to take another way home. He still had his cold so we hugged and I kissed his check area about 7 more times. Now is was Saturday so I was able slept in. I ate a banana and cereal for breakfast about 11:30. Later on I was meeting up with Scott and then over to his sister's house to go trick or treating at 5pm. Most of the adults dressed up as well. The group took pictures and enjoyed just being together and I will look forward to doing the same next year. Then Scott and I could have went to see 3 different bands but all were at least 45 minutes out of town so we decided to go to a bar where his niece works. We had a couple of drink and because of his cold we left so he could get home and rest up. Today is Sunday and with the extra hour of sleep I woke up at 10:30, I had cereal and a few peanuts. Today is also the day that Favre returns to Lambeau Field to play against his former team. It is 30 minutes to game time as I finish this blog. GO PACK GO and I wish Favre has a great game too. He deserves to have another superbowl ring!!!