Saturday, November 7, 2009

Saturday, November 7

I am an emotional eater. I eat when I feel stressed, I eat when I am bored, I eat because the clock shows it's "lunch" time or "dinner" time, I eat when I am happy, I eat till I feel full (always), it is never just a snack. Why am I not in control? Most times when I eat, I am alone. It's like food eaten while alone won't hurt me. I tried writing a food journal and that lasted 3 or 4 weeks. No one else read my journal. I didn't see the benefits of being reminded of what I ate. When I re-read what I just wrote, I feel like I am a child needing to be punished by an adult. Why do I feel like a child at 41 (almost)? Most people think I look younger, a lot younger. Some say I look like I am in my late 20s or early 30s. It's flattering but somehow it bothers me. How does someone look more adult-like?

Last Sunday I wanted to watch the Packer/Viking game with Scott but her wasn't feeling good and it was a later game starting at 3:15 so it was better to stay home and get to bed at a reasonable time for work on Monday. I still stayed up to 11PM ish. I can't recall what I ate during the evening but I know it was too much.

I awoke on Monday and got to work on time and things at work were manageable, not very stressful. However, during lunch I ate my Lean Cuisine but had to grab something more from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was busy and before I knew it, it was time to leave. Just then I remember there was no TOPS meeting but rather there was an area meeting at a different location. That meant no weigh-in. I got home about 8:30 and ate dinner. I was on the couch all night watching TV and on my laptop and ate again before going to bed again late sometime after 11:30.

I got up on Tuesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was an easy morning but still at lunch after eating a salad I grabbed something extra from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon was fine but got busy during the last hour. When I left work I was thinking that I had my shoes and should have went to Cardinal but I went home instead to get my bills and debit purchases organized and balance the checkbook. However, when I got home I grabbed a soda and jar of peanut butter (the natural kind with oil on top that needs to be mixed) sat on the couch and watched my soap on DVR. I ate nearly half the jar. Why? Then it was dinnertime. Afterwards I sat back on the couch and watched TV and on my laptop. Scott called me while driving home from band practice. His voice sounded fine but he still had his cough/cold and I wished it would get better soon. I stayed up late again, ate a FiberOne bar and went to bed after midnight.

I got up on Wednesday feeling tired but had no problem getting to work on time. It was a busy day from minute 1. I ate my Lean Cuisine but this time I didn't get something more from the vending machine. Why not? The afternoon remained busy but manageable. I left work and went home. I walked in the door and first thing I did was grab my mail, my receipts and checkbook to organize my finances. I also grabbed the jar of peanut butter. Why? Then it was dinnertime. I remained on the couch watching TV, and on my laptop before eating 2 FiberOne bars before going to bed.

I got up on Thursday feeling tired but had no problems getting to work on time. This day was busy and I mean B U S Y. I find it hard to really describe it to anyone. It sounds like I am a complainer or a whiner when I do so I just keep it mostly inside myself. I had a salad for lunch but also grabbed something from the vending machine. Why? The afternoon kept me hopping to handle things. I even stayed an extra 1/2 hour to process some orders. The stress built up so much so that in the car on the drive home I was close to crying. Why? I felt alone and that nobody could understand if I tried to explain. When I got home I grabbed something to eat and sat on the couch to watch my soap. I went to a restaurant with my brother for dinner. I got home and sat on the couch to watch TV, be on the laptop and had a couple of FiberOne bar before going to bed after 1AM.

I was WAY tired on Friday but got to work on time. This day was surprisingly much quieter than Thursday. I kept thinking that would change but it remained pleasant all day. I texted Scott "HAPPY FRIDAY" thinking his cough/cold was better or gone completely. There was a kringle set out and a bag of Lays pototo chips that I avoided all morning. I ate my Lean Cuisine but grabbed a handful of the chips. I went back 3 more times during the afternoon. Why? I knew I was going out to celebrate Scott's niece's birthday but the exact details were not known to me yet. I got his text with the details. I thought it was best to head home before meeting up with him at the bar/restaurant. I ate a FiberOne bar while watching my soap. Then I left for the party. I showed up and found Scott still was sick and he said it was getting worse. I hope he goes to see a doctor on Monday. I enjoyed being out with him and his extended family. We took pictures and he even posed for 2 pics wearing a birthday crown and holding balloons. He gave me a quick kiss as we left. After I got home, I watched TV and ate 2 more FiberOne bars before going to bed. Why?

I woke up too early on Saturday. I got out of bed at 8:30am and soon had cereal for breakfast and then watched a movie. It was a record warm day but I stayed inside looking out the window while sitting on the couch and on my laptop. Around noon, I texted Scott to see how he felt but didn't get a reply. I figured he was sleeping or away from his phone. During the week we had talked about seeing a movie so a few hours later I called him. He said he would still go but I knew he didn't feel up to it so we decided to skip going out. We both said that he having this cold sucked. I knew he wouldn't want to come back to my place so we could spend quiet time cuddling. I went out for soup and sandwich with my brother and he stopped at Walmart and while in there I grabbed a bag pf pretzles and since coming back home I have been writing this blog and munching on them. Why?

Its after midnight so I need to get some sleep.

Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

  1. Oh wow, I can really relate to this post. It's so hard when you feel tired all the time to make the right choices.