Saturday, January 30, 2010

Saturday, January 30

HELP. I didn't go to bed on Thursday night before 11. I was up past midnight and then when I tried to sleep I couldn't. It's like I couldn't turn the switch off in my brain. It's not that I was thinking of anyone or anything, it's all random snippets of stuff. HELP. On Friday, I got up with just enough time to get to work. I ate my oatmeal and the day began. I was so focused on entering orders left over from yesterday that the morning flew by. I didn't even leave my department to go to the bathroom. I grabbed a lunchable from the vending machine and then ate an orange and NutriGrain bar for lunch. I then focused on organizing some of my work while I was on switchboard duty. When I returned to my desk, I was hit with more than a dozen faxes from 2 days ago and more in my e-mail. HELP...NO. Guess what? I didn't ask for help, I focused on the task and when I left work I had processed every order.
Later in the evening I was going out with Scott to see some bands play. I got home and soon was out to eat a gyro and french fries. HELP. I arrived back home to get ready. I didn't put alot of effort into changing my attire from what I wore to work, I just put in contacts and a little make-up. I got to the place before Scott arrived and found a seat and was pretty much glued to it all night. There was a group of 10 young girls that dressed up and were having a blast talking and dancing that it made me down and depressed because I don't look sexy or have confidence to be like them. HELP. No one would notice how I felt because I naturally keep quiet and don't draw attention. I sit and listen and smile. I felt like I could leave and nobody would miss me. We never made it to see the 2nd band and after we stopped for gas, I left for home. I took out my contacts, fed the cats so they wouldn't pester me too early and went to bed with my clothes on.
I got up around 10:30 and fed the cats and then ate cereal while reading the paper. I then came online to catch-up on FB postings and start my blog and watch TV. HELP. I have chores and housework that I could be doing but feeling tired and have an attitude of who cares. I must not.
I will be going out tonight to see Scott's band and alot of his family and friends will be there. I will probably look happy, smile, take pictures and not be glued to my seat but will come home secretly wishing I had more fun talking with them, dancing and going up on stage.
Losing weight is more a mental transformation then most people think. I know this but I must not care enough. I need help.

Thanks for reading

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